In Which I See Through A Chipmunk


So I was eavesdropping on that troupe of squirrels doing improv in the backyard when I noticed there was this chipmunk, dressed in a bow tie of all things, looking up at me and grinning in this way that just screams “sunflower seeds”. I tried to just sort of smile and shuffle off without committing to anything, but he started talking about how great it was that this gang had a venue in which to perform now, and how they were looking ready for great things, and how somebody really sharp with a modest investment could see them rocket out of the sticks and into at least regional importance.

I tried not to look offended that my backyard — mine, mind you — was being called the sticks, and I didn’t explain that all the giggling from the pond was not because it’d been installed as a laugh track (“it’s wonderfully awkward, laughing at all the wrong beats, it really throws the performances into this whole new area, and challenges the audience” which what?) but because we’d put fish in it.

Still, I made my getaway as quickly as I could. I know when somebody’s warming up to hitting me for cash.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

10 thoughts on “In Which I See Through A Chipmunk”

    1. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to start things down that path. Really I’m more curious what it is the squirrels make of the chipmunk, but he seems to be carrying on by confident chatter alone.

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      1. First it’s birdseed. Next it’s peanuts. Next thing you know, they’ll be peddling NoDoze and Five-Hour Energy shots in your backyard…

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    1. It’s very hard to say, since the only way to really catch transparent chipmunks is by how they mess up laser-interferometer experiments by walking through the beam path. And most folks do that sort of experiment at work instead of around the yard. Singing chipmunks you just have to overhear.

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