From The Technology Centers That Brought You Towels


I don’t want to alarm anyone but I have seen on the labels of a towel at a Holiday Inn the notice that it was part of the Holiday Inn Bath Collection, Patent Pending. There’s at minimum two things to wonder about in that fact. The first is that the Holiday Inn corporation believes it has somehow made an advancement in the technology of towels sufficient to be considered for a patent. The other is that apparently I am content to read the towel labels at a Holiday Inn. I have no excuse for this behavior. I’m sorry to have to make you all aware of it.

What would a towel technological innovation even be, though? I’m trying to picture it as I understand all technological developments by picturing how it would be explained in a little pop-up window in Sid Meier’s Civilization II, and it seems like towels have to fit in somewhere after “Mysticism” but before “Robotics”. But then we in the real world already have robots and Holiday Inn is putting forth more towel developments. So it’s not a perfect understanding, I guess, but it’s what I have.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

4 thoughts on “From The Technology Centers That Brought You Towels”

  1. First developed in 2011, the Holiday Inn Bath Collection Apparatus (HIBCA) utilizes microscopic wormholes to collect bathwater from the surface of the skin and shunt it into a parallel universe. Using sophisticated water-sensing technology, the towel detects moisture and immediately opens millions of tiny Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky bridges, gently drawing the water into an alternate reality. After only a few hours, your HIBCA is dry and ready to be reused. And should dirt and dead skin cells ever make your towel grimy and disgusting, just toss it in the washing machine, and when you take it out, within seconds your HIBCA towel is hard at work shunting water across the multiverse.
    Evaporation may have been good enough for your grandparents back in mysticism-and-robotics times, but today’s Holiday Inn Bath Collection towel protects the environment by reducing harmful H20 emissions into the atmosphere, a leading cause of global warming.

    Liked by 1 person

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