How Things May Be


So the Internet of Things is supposed to be a thing, according to those who keep track of things. This thing will allow us to finally achieve the ancient dream of having our toasters send urgent text messages to our carbon monoxide detector until the toaster gets marked as a spam source and the carbon monoxide detector signs up for LinkedIn (“You have four degrees of connection to the breakfront in the dining room”). What I want to know is, if the Internet of Things finally becomes a thing, will that thing-ness of the Internet of Things itself get on the Internet? And if it does, who will it be sending urgent text messages to? We’re going to have to step up our game of ignoring messages on the Internet if we’re going to have not just Things, but also the Internet of Things, trying to communicate with us.

I’ve lost my point. There it is. If we have all these devices turning into computers and attacking the Internet without any need for interacting with us in particular, mightn’t some turn feral? Are we going to see groups of confused hardware desperately signalling one another, hoping to form their own little packs in the absence of a strong alpha release? At what point will the Internet be intolerably dangerous for human use because we’re crowded out by wild processes indifferent to human needs? I mean after 1999.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

7 thoughts on “How Things May Be”

  1. My printer died. I informed its friends on facebook that if any of them had use for his last few vials of life supporting ink, just let me know. Nobody responded. I am quite confused for my dead printer.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wonder what will happen when they work out that we’ve been trying to control them with a set shelf life (ie: warranty). They could get really mad then, and scenarios like the rise of the machines in the Terminator films could actually happen! (I hope my electric toothbrush doesn’t decide to give me gum disease.)

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    1. Oh, dear, you’re right. There’s no telling what they’ll think especially of people who refuse to get the extended warranty. “What do I care if you break in two years,” is the implicit message, “You’re a loose-leaf teapot.” And they’ll be all the angrier because they’ll have to know I’m right.

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