Can I Believe In Iowa?


You know what I haven’t talked about in a while? The flame wars going on in the Star Trek web forum where I like to hang out and find myself in oddball flame wars. The best one going right now concernes the 2009 movie, where you might kind of remember in an early scene the young James Kirk drives an antique car over the edge of an enormous rock quarry, establishing the important point point that he’s a incredible jerk who doesn’t know how brake pedals work.

Anyway. One of the posters in the forum is quite upset about the depiction of a rock quarry in Iowa. You might think this is because there aren’t rock quarries in Iowa, if you have less knowledge of the rock-quarrying industry of Iowa than the poster thinks I should have. Here I confess my ignorance: you could make nearly any claim about the rock-quarrying industries of Iowa, ranging from “there is none” to “it is entirely owned and operated by packs of robot wallabies made of wood, and is focused on the pulling up of agates which can be eaten by tactical assault pillows” and I would barely be able to say where you had gone wrong. But, no, the complaint is that rock quarries in that part of Iowa are not nearly so large as the one depicted, which apparently was an actual Vermont-based rock quarry digitally inserted in corn fields meant to represent Iowa. And that it’s as ridiculous to show a Vermont-sized rock quarry in Iowa as it would be to, say, pass off the Empire State Building as part of the skyline of Wichita, Kansas.

So now I’m left with the question of whether, in this story of time-travelling Romulans using liquid black holes to make Spock feel very, very bad for not stopping a supernova, I can swallow the idea that three hundred years from now Iowa could have rock quarries somewhat larger than it has today. It’s a tough decision.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

6 thoughts on “Can I Believe In Iowa?”

  1. Former Iowan, here. Don’t spread it around.

    No, there aren’t any rock quarries that large in Iowa at the moment. Yes, they could be that size by stardate whatever. No, I don’t think anyone but Iowans and geologists give a shit. Yes, the people sublimating their sexual tensions and rage into forum arguments about crap this insignificant to Hollywood and the rest of the world are irretrievably lame and desperately in need of a blow job.

    Live long and prosper.

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    1. Ah, thank you. I won’t spread it around, although I might mention to people that now I know someone who claims to be from Iowa, in case someone tries to claim that it’s an imaginary place like Brigadoon or Shangri-La or Kissimmee, Florida.

      This is not actually the most ridiculous flame war I’ve been in on a Star Trek forum, although it is the most ridiculous one I’ve stepped into in a while.

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      1. Claim, hell. It’s on the birth certificate. You can’t erase that shit, I tried. Plus, I’m a rock hound (geology buff) so you got the double whammy.

        Florida, however, IS an imaginary place cooked up by Disney to provide parking space.

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        1. I’m relieved to know this much about Florida (and Iowa, for that matter). Now I can focus on considering the doubts I’ve had about the state of Washington. There’s some definite logical-consistency problems with it.

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