The Secret Of The Moon Sphinx


It's a sphinx! On the moon! And it's shooting lasers out of its eyes! At our spaceship! … Whoops.
Secrets Of The Moon Sphynx, as uploaded to DeviantArt by PeterPulp.

Apparently, the Secret of the Moon Sphinx is that it’s a bit of a jerk, really. Also, I understand the Ancient Egyptians were busy being Ancient Egyptians and building astounding stuff for thousands of years, but it seems like if they were building sphinxes on the moon to laser-eye spaceships they were kind of losing focus on their really important projects, like land-surveying and the Sothic Cycle and the Hittites. Of course, I do some things that the Ancient Egyptians would probably consider outside my real focus, so who am I to tell them they were wasting their time? At least they got a laser-eye sphinx up on the moon, while all I can do is look at those astronauts and think they’re monkeys in spacesuits until I look again and see once more that it’s just the things on their heads giving me that impression.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

7 thoughts on “The Secret Of The Moon Sphinx”

  1. I may be showing my age, but it’s important to remember that our modern understanding of laser-eyed moon sphinxes is a fairly recent development. When I was a kid, it was accepted fact that satellite sphinxes were a naturally-occurring phenomenon throughout the solar system. (The old wives’ tale that people didn’t believe in moon sphinxes back then is apocryphal. Galileo built his first telescope in 1610 to track the migration patterns of Europan sphinxes.)

    It wasn’t until 1968 (1968 on the old Sothic calendar) that scientists first put forward the theory that Ancient Egyptians seeded the solar system with sphinxes from Earth. I remember reading Erich von Daniken’s groundbreaking scientific publication “Chariots of the Hittites?”, where he proposed that space barges sailed forth from Memphis carrying thousands of sphinxes to sphinx-friendly habitats on Io, Enceladus, and Umbriel, where they could use their optic lasers to survey land in peace.

    Even so, it wasn’t until NASA researchers Anton Cornelius and Robert “Bob” Zaius proved that the lunar sphinx’s lasers emit the same magenta wavelengths as found in the common Egyptian laser-eyed sphinx that scientists confirmed the terrestrial origin of the moon sphinx.

    (Interesting fact: Did you know that lunar zoning laws prohibit the landing of any spacecraft taller than a moon sphinx? And that moon sphinxes will as a public service bisect any rockets which might run afoul of local ordinances free of charge, regardless of the number of additional parking spaces required?)

    (Doctors Cornelius and Zaius shown above — Dr. Zaius is the one carrying the leather valise full of spectrographic equipment.)

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    1. I’m impressed as ever by the depths of my ignorance and I am glad to learn better. I’d had no idea the moon even bothered with zoning laws; I thought it was all dust and maria. Given that, I suppose the sphinx is better-behaved than I thought.

      Glad to see you writing again, by the way. I was wondering where you’d got to. Also I love any chance people take to mention the Sothic calendar.

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      1. Thanks, Joseph. Work deadlines and general stress have kept me away for the last month or so. Hopefully things will ease up going forward.

        And I believe the lunar zoning laws were Maria’s doing. As chief sphinxherdess, Maria (Woman-sitting-in-chair / ankh / guy-checking-out-woman-in-chair-behind-him / jackal-headed-guy-minding-his-own-business in hieroglyphics) is quite concerned about obstructing the sphinxes’ view of the dust.

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