Also the ‘Paleo Diet Treats’ Better Just Be ‘A Stick Covered In Honey’


The magazine at the checkout counter showed off a woman with the headline, “She Lost 172 Pounds On The HAPPINESS DIET”. The idea’s caught my mind, certainly.

I picture the happiness diet consisting of sitting down to a sensible breakfast of cottage cheese and melba toast, because I formed my impression of dieting in 1978 and haven’t really advanced any since, and then checking a little journal to see whether one can have that giggle after all. At lunch, besides a half-sandwich of tuna on crumbly little unappealing diet bread and that awful substance sold as diet mayonnaise in 1983 that had the consistency of motor oil and tasted like vinegar and tinfoil, one reviews whether it’s probably safe to read what Letterman’s Top Ten List was last night. Finally for dinner one splurges by watching a supercut of Carl Sagan saying million, billion, trillion, or even quadrillion on Cosmos and letting its rhythms kind of amuse. At night, sprinkle a bit of trying to remember whether one read Herb and Jamaal today, and think about that good chortle being saved for the weekend, and maybe — if things are going well — about taking in a Sunday brunch of looking at pictures of rescued baby kangaroos in footy pajamas hopping around licking things, and let the pounds just melt away.

If I’m wrong about this in any particular I don’t want to know.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

4 thoughts on “Also the ‘Paleo Diet Treats’ Better Just Be ‘A Stick Covered In Honey’”

  1. There’s a paleo restaurant near me and everything in it is super expensive. Like a steak is 40€ and you can get a nice restaurant steak for half that. All the food on the menu looked the same as normal food to me, so I guess the only real difference is that cavemen were rich! 😄

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    1. 40 euros does seem like a lot, admittedly, but a good brontoburger really pays for itself, what with how it makes it easier to get at your car’s transmission after it knocks the car over. And you get to have lunch while waiting for the car to get fixed, which saves on the mechanics’ time.

      Liked by 1 person

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