In Which I Am Rewarded For Shoe Non-Decay


About a year ago I bought a pair of rubber boots from the DSW Shoe Warehouse, which I suppose ought to just be called DSW, but if I call it that then nobody knows what they are except that they’re a place someone can buy rubber boots from. I suppose that’s enough, although I don’t care for the ambiguity about what other things which are not rubber boots they might also sell. Canvas sneakers? Rubber telephone poles? Synthetic-fur-lined mortar-and-pestle sets? Leather guitars? Maybe I’m over-worrying this.

Anyway, after buying the boots I haven’t had to buy anything else from them, or any other shoe merchants, what with my having kept the same pair of feet since then. And then last week DSW S— W——– sent me a card saying they missed me and wanted me back, and sent a $20 coupon if I’ll just come in and buy something from them sometime soon pleeeeeease. This seems like a pretty good deal considering it’s not like I was boycotting them or anything, I just haven’t needed shoes. I still don’t, but I feel like I should pop in and say hello if they’re so upset by not seeing me for a year-plus. Also I’d just like other merchants to know that if they want to send me coupons I’ll consider coming in and making them feel less lonely.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

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