Shocking Results Of College Basketball Game


The local news reports that all of the ten people arrested in East Lansing yesterday, in a raucous disturbance with only a tiny fire that broke out after Michigan State won their way into the Final Four, were MSU students. I’m relieved. When I heard there were arrests made I feared it might include state legislators, leaders of industry such as whoever runs that mysterious electron-associated business, or maybe the jovial guy who was playing Santa Claus at the tree farm where we got our Christmas tree and who was very interested in the complex of extensions cords used to rig up the coffee machine and the space heater. (He explained how Santa was pretty knowledgeable about electrical systems.)

The report also mentioned that besides setting, it looked to me, like maybe one jacket on fire, the mob got to throwing “bottles and bagels”. This surprised me, because while mid-Michigan hasn’t got the greatest variety of bagels it’s got some fairly decent ones. Plus, what’s with throwing what amounts to wads of bread around? Yeah, they’re bagels, but we don’t get the really serious bagels, the ones protected by a crust of pumpernickel-diamond alloy inside a chewy core, around here. If they’re trying to break stuff, why throw bread? But if they’re not trying to break stuff, then do they really need to be arrested for what a top-notch lawyer would say is just aggressive feeding of squirrels? These are all questions I feel I cannot answer.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

9 thoughts on “Shocking Results Of College Basketball Game”

  1. This is a game we don’t play in New Zealand. Well, we might, but my understanding of sports is limited to knowing about things with motors in them that go around and around racetracks. Given that our national sport is rugby, that makes me something of an oddity here, but I live with it.

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    1. I’m generally supportive of people following sports. It’s usually fun for the followers, and it can spin off all sorts of entertaining sidelines. And I suppose it defuses tension in college towns, since for once the students are doing something that the police have fair reason to arrest them for, instead of just being suspiciously young and not from around here.

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  2. I’ve always had a difficult time understanding why people do the things they do to celebrate. Aggressive feeding of squirrels explains a lot.

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        1. It was a fine occasional treat when we were in Manhattan. I find from Wikipedia that they went out of business in a fascinatingly complex bundle of tax evasion charges, which is an interesting way to go at least.

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