The November 2015 Scraps File

Once more, here’s a pile of words that I couldn’t use in my humor blog. If you want to do anything with them, please, have fun and let me know if it makes you any money. It would be nice to think my words are providing for somebody. I didn’t hear if last month’s did anybody any good.

  • fresh hickory pickle — cut because it sounds too sing-songy, like I’m trying too hard to write a fake nursery rhyme.
  • that thrilling moment in a history of scientific thought when they mention Pythagoras of Samos and you’re going to get to hear what he thought of the matter — cut because it turned out Pythagoras was just quoting Thales and it wasn’t anywhere near the grade of whacked-out loopiness you expect from the man who gave us Olympic gold-thigh-presentation.
  • well, really — cut from the start of several dozen sentences because I didn’t need the warm-up after all.
  • xam — from the 1966 M F Enterprises run of Captain Marvel; it’s the code word that Captain Marvel, a robot from another planet, used to reverse the body-splitting process that he used for those cases where a supervillain might be foiled by having a detached forearm sprung at him.
  • and if you’re smart you’ll see your dentist right away — line from that episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye and Trapper John fool Frank into mining gold, which totally happened for some reason.
  • some days you just need a DVR full of Joe E Brown baseball comedies — while true, it’s too far outside baseball season, even if I was just watching the movie where he’s hoping to join the Cardinals so he can earn the five thousand dollars he’ll need to bring his improved fire extinguisher to market.
  • I remember how you liked to peel your own bananas — weird line to have in a piece that’s otherwise about the spell checker being mean to me.
  • come to think of it — cut from the end of several dozen sentences because I didn’t need the cool-down after all.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

Please Write Something Funnier Than I Thought To

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