Twelve Things Only Rarely Mistaken For Pinball Machines Or One Another


  1. Washcloths.
  2. Date nut shortbread cookies.
  3. Snails which race in the Indianapolis 500.
  4. Stained glass.
  5. That crossword puzzle plagiarism scandal.
  6. Deceased New York City Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.
  7. The “Cover Up” pricing game on The Price Is Right.
  8. Integration by trigonometric substitution.
  9. Those seats in the movie theater lobby that demonstrate how the new premium-experience movie theater is kind of like the ordinary movie theaters, only the seats can shake I guess, so you understand why that’s a worthwhile upcharge when you go to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 For Some Reason?
  10. Isobaric lines.
  11. Band stickers for guitar cases.
  12. Hipster coffee shop Wi-fi password “GoneWireless”.
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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

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