In Which A Chair That’s Not Even Mine Gives Me Directions I Can’t Follow


So my love and I were at this other hipster bar where a completely different pinball league meets. It was getting near the end of the night and some of the chairs were turned over and put on the tables. This was under the seat of one. The text that’s got me:

There's nine lines of information about the care and use of a chair, and while I feel like this is all pretty good advice it feels like a lot for a chair.
Instructions for the care and use of a chair. And every word is in all-caps, the better to make sure nobody ever reads it ever.

Chairs should be inspected regularly for loose or missing screws, metal fatigue, cracks, broken welds, loose staples, and general instability.

And now I am so glad these chairs are not mine. I would be all right on loose screws or staples, but detecting metal fatigue? And for that matter missing screws? And how often is regularly? Daily is way too often to inspect a chair for cracks. But every ten years? Probably they don’t mean that infrequently. It’s not like my teeth, which I once kind of accidentally let go for eighteen years between dentist’s visits. I had two small cavities and the ire of my love, who’s needed a lot more dental work. Chair Master Command would want something more often and I couldn’t live up to that kid of pressure.

Well, here’s some mathematically-themed comic strips I looked at recently, and what I saw there.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

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