What I’ve Picked Up From The 1953 Movie _The Neanderthal Man_

So, Professor Clifford Groves (Robert Shayne, who also played the assistant to the Secretary of Defense in 1963’s Son of Flubber and a refinery executive in 1971’s The Million Dollar Duck) has a meeting with the Council of Jerkface Movie Scientists and it isn’t going well:

“This is my cross. The penalty of being born into an era of little men, who are small even in their spites. You’re creatures of paper, bred of an artificial culture, whose dearest possessions is your prejudices, and important only in the hollowness of your smirking vanities. Hypocrisy is your Bible; stupidity is the cornerstone of your existence; and dishonesty your human essence.”

Groves’s meeting went downhill from there, yes, and he would go on to use an experimental formula that turned his housekeeper and himself into half-ape monstrosities and he gets killed and turns their pet into a saber-toothed tiger and his fiancee breaks up with him (not in that order), but I still think I’m going to work that up into a gif so I can deploy it in some Twitter arguments I only stopped answering because it was too much bother to go back and win them. Also I’m really uncomfortable with the subject/verb number agreement there, although Professor Graves sounds so compelling I don’t want to argue it, especially since he might maul me.

Also I really love how everyone talks with more syllables than they need to for every sentence, including when they’re apologizing for entering their room uninvited.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The Another Blog, Meanwhile index dropped one point in ordinary trading, and made it two points after tipping the bartender.


Why does turning into an ape-man monstrosity in the movies always mean you have to climb out windows instead of using the door, anyway? It wasn’t even locked.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

2 thoughts on “What I’ve Picked Up From The 1953 Movie _The Neanderthal Man_”

  1. What I have never understood is how in a few decades Neanderthals have gone from mono-browed, thuggish half-apes to being a cousin human species that was as smart as we are, had most of the same behavioural characteristics, cared for their sick, invented epoxy resin, and were up to three times as strong as us. Meanwhile the thuggish half-apes have re-emerged today, usually behind the wheel of very fast and badly driven cars such as the one I heard last night being belted along somewhere nearby at a what sounded like ‘valve bounce’ revs and – as far as I could tell from the way the noise was moving – speeds.


    1. I have wondered about the ways people’s idea of the Neanderthals have changed. It seems like there ought to be some link to how popular back-to-nature movements and ideas of civilization as corruption are. But I’m not sure there’s really that at all.

      And yet pop culture doesn’t seem like it has much to do with it. The Flintstones weren’t Neanderthals (or anything else, properly), and they’re closer in time to the Austro-Hungarian Empire than they are to the present day. The Geico Cavemen are maybe it this century, at least in the United States, and they were fun enough but not that big a deal.

      Doesn’t it seem like there should be a definitive pop culture Neanderthal Human?

      Liked by 1 person

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