The Hardware Store, A Play In Three Scenes


4:23. I stride confidently into the Great Lakes ACE Hardware store. I know what I need. It’s an O-Ring for the plastic watering tank we’re hoping to keep goldfish in this winter. I have the plastic plug we’ll be using to stop up the drain. Past conversations with our goldfish indicate they’d much rather the water didn’t drain at all, but if it must drain, it should drain as nothing as possible. I just need to find the small circles of rubber somewhere in the hardware store.

4:29. An employee tells me I’ll find it “just behind you”. I haven’t told the employee what I need. It’s not just behind me.

4:31. I ask the employee where the 1 1/4-inch O-rings are. They were the next row over. 65 cents per. I buy one and leave without asking what the employe thought I was looking for that was just behind me.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index held steady today as traders worried they might have been spotted by a predator, possibly a lion or a pack of hyenas. This defensive posture left them well-poised to leap for the emergency exits or the pretzel stand in the corner should the need arise. It has not — yet.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

Please Write Something Funnier Than I Thought To

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