- Constant loud buzzing noise indicating swarm of cicadas located within.
- Spontaneously resets and loses all programs, program guides, content, everything.
- Growls, hisses when remote control used; insists on being petted.
- Keeps fussing over whether specific commas in the program descriptions are necessary, or are merely good style, or could be dispensed with altogether.
- Will not stop quoting dialogue from The Abbott and Costello Show while impersonating the wrong voices.
- Has mismatched pair of gloves, somehow.
- Tells jokes about how funny kinkshaming would be, if it were doing that, which it isn’t, but if it did, think how funny that would be.
- Judges me for watching that show about the so-called Treasure Pit on Oak Island that totally exists, no, seriously.
- Keeps asking my opinion about its His Dark Materials fanfic.
- Is fine, but we sent it back anyway out of habit.
- Spiky quills around the HDMI output.
- Pops up messages asking yes-or-no questions with the option to answer “proceed”, “cancel”, and “ignore”.
On the bright side we’ve never been so close to having watched everything in our queue.