Reasons We Sent Back The New HD DVR


So far:

  • Constant loud buzzing noise indicating swarm of cicadas located within.
  • Spontaneously resets and loses all programs, program guides, content, everything.
  • Growls, hisses when remote control used; insists on being petted.
  • Keeps fussing over whether specific commas in the program descriptions are necessary, or are merely good style, or could be dispensed with altogether.
  • Will not stop quoting dialogue from The Abbott and Costello Show while impersonating the wrong voices.
  • Has mismatched pair of gloves, somehow.
  • Tells jokes about how funny kinkshaming would be, if it were doing that, which it isn’t, but if it did, think how funny that would be.
  • Judges me for watching that show about the so-called Treasure Pit on Oak Island that totally exists, no, seriously.
  • Keeps asking my opinion about its His Dark Materials fanfic.
  • Is fine, but we sent it back anyway out of habit.
  • Spiky quills around the HDMI output.
  • Pops up messages asking yes-or-no questions with the option to answer “proceed”, “cancel”, and “ignore”.

On the bright side we’ve never been so close to having watched everything in our queue.   

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index rose zero points today, which sounds better than saying it dropped zero points today. Except if you’re a really risk-adverse personality and prefer thinking that we dropped zero instead of that we gained zero. It’s a delicate balance of values, all of which are nothing.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

Please Write Something Funnier Than I Thought To

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