In Which I Am Once Again Angry At Inspector Danger’s Crime Quiz


Look, I understand the conventions of the quick little crime-detection puzzle. It’s not like anyone should expect the deductive process of Slylock Fox knowing that it’s possible to drive a car with a flat tire if you’ve put the spare on to secure a conviction. Heck, there’s cases Columbo nailed that I’m pretty sure the District Attorney had to decline because they just wouldn’t hold up in court. But now, here, this week’s Inspector Danger’s Crime Quiz? I’m offended by the logic and I’m annoyed enough I’m ready to go over to Comic Strip Master Command and demand they tell me if they’ve ever had a typed-out deathbed fingering of the murderer because I’m just that annoyed and no I am not reacting inappropriate to this and if you say I am come closer where I can tell you how I’d spit at you if I could stand spitting. Also why do people who murder typewriter-owners never rip the last sheet of paper out? Come on, show some professionalism.

Archie: 'Conan O'Hoyle, the famous mystery writer, murdered in the middle of the night.' Inspector Danger: 'Look! I think he managed to type the name of his killer.' (Typed out: TOM.) Housemaid: 'I'm the housemaid. When I got here this morning I turned on the light in Mr O'Hoyle's studio and was met by this terrible sight.' Danger: 'We have seven suspects.' Tom Orson Munford, Cousin. Ted Ogden Maxwell, Brother. Thea Olivia Munroe, Sister. Terry Olmo Mason, Brother-In-Law. Bruce Buster Benson, Nephew. Tiffany Oakley Milller, Ex-wife. Ringo Anton Harrison, Nephew. Archie: 'Too many with the same initials! We'll never solve this case, sir.' Danger: 'Wait, let me take another look at this keyboard - AHA! I GOT IT! What about you, my dear mystery-buffs?' THE ANSWER: In the dark, Conan O'Hoyle hit the keys to the left and typed T-O-M instead of R-I-N. Being murdered by a family member, he'd never write their full name, only their first name. Now Ringo Anton Harrison is number 76749 in the state penitentiary for the next many, many years.
Werner Wejp-Olsen’s Inspector Danger’s Crime Quiz for the 11th of December, 2017. I do not protest that all these relatives of Conan O’Hoyle do not share the last name O’Hoyle. I’ll allow for pen names. I also don’t protest that no two of these relatives have the same last name. There are enough varied relationships that the family names could vary. However, “Tiffany Oakley Milller[sic]”? Excuse me? And yeah, I know it looks like a continuity error but I think we’re supposed to take it that the laptop in the last row is at Inspector Danger’s Crime Office instead of at Conan O’Hoyle’s writing desk.
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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there.

4 thoughts on “In Which I Am Once Again Angry At Inspector Danger’s Crime Quiz”

  1. The confident statement of what people being murdered by a family member would do is quite impressive. Do they fight? Scream? Call for help? Bleed?
    Nope. They type first names, ALL CAPS, on a manual typewriter that happens to have a fresh blank page on the roller. Then they roll it up about 12 lines for emphasis.
    That’s science!

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    1. Yeah, that’s another piece in this sort of murder mystery puzzle that I’ve always wondered about. I’m not sure what I would do if I were ever murdered and I guess I’d try leaving a hint to whoever investigated my killing. I’m also not sure what I would do if I ever murdered someone but I feel like I’d grab any notes my victim left and tear them up or eat them or something. Also I’d try to play even dumber than Lieutenant Columbo does and not have any idea what anything is. That wouldn’t help me, but it would slow down the process of getting caught at least.

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  2. I think what Danger has in the final panel is proof that Alfie has been eating Cheetos while using the Inspector’s laptop’s keyboard.Ted Ogden Maxwell is clearlyDennis Mitchell’s neighbor George Wilson as reimagined by the Schoolhouse Rock artists

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