Statistics Saturday: Some Grammy Awards


  • Largest Bowl of Anise Hard Candies Fused Together
  • Distinctive Tiny Scented Soaps You’re Most Afraid To Use
  • Silverware And Plate That Together Make The Most Undefinably Eerie Scraping Sound
  • Most Refrigerator With The Crushed-Ice Dispenser You’re Not Allowed To Use
  • Room That Most Smells of Cedar Despite Having Nothing Cedar In It
  • Scratchiest Blankets Covering The Most Of The Sofa
  • Sleekest Television Set Put On Top Of The Widest 1970s Color Television Set That’s Easily Four Feet Front To Back
  • Land-Line Telephone That Most Has Push-Buttons But In A Circle Like It Was A Dial Phone Somehow
  • Most Boiled Selection of Off-White Dinner Foods
  • Room That Least Smells of Cedar Although The Cedar Chest Is In It

Reference: The Rocket Men: Vostok and Voskhod, the First Soviet Manned Spaceflights, Rex Hall and David J Shayler

A note about research methods. Some may accuse this department of focusing entirely on its own experiences and not adequately sampling the full conceptual space of grandmotherly presences. To this we answer no, we called our grandmothers ‘grandma’ and ‘mom-mom’, none of this casual ‘grammy’ stuff for us and so therefore nyah.

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

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