We’re nearing the halfway point in “Skippy’s Mom”, a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fanfiction that I published first sometime in the late 90s. The whole of the series should be at this link, sooner or later.
After finding no trace of Skippy Squirrel’s mother at the Hall of Records, Slappy arranged for an INK test. The results just came back and Skippy Squirrel turns out to be … a cartoon cat!
Skippy the Bush Kangaroo was a real TV series, sort of an Australian take on Lassie, but starring just what it says. It got on US cable in the 80s and 90s when stations needed a lot of programming. That’s about all that I imagine needs explaining here, if that even does.
> Chapter 3 – Skippy the cat
JOEL: Or bush kangaroo. Whatever.
> "Well I don’t see how it could be anyone else…" said Hello nurse’s
> distorted voice.
TOM: It *must* be the president calling. He asked about Prince Albert.
> "I think we should check again, I mean she’s never even had a kid so how
> could it be her?" a less distorted voice came from Abu.
CROW: They’re cartoon characters. They reproduce by photocopier.
JOEL: That’s… a pretty deep concept, actually.
> "How ya doing kid?" asked Slappy who’s sounded fairly normal.
> "I had a horrible nightmare Aunt Slappy.."
TOM: I dreamed I couldn’t get the INK joke and I had it repeated to me over and over and over again.
> Skippy started
> "Sorry kid, no nightmare…" Slappy replied sadly she held up a mirror
> for Skippy, a strange looking kitten looked back.
CROW: It’s Winnie Witch’s kid!
TOM: Hi, kid!
> "What, what?" Skippy stammered pointing at the reflection, "Me…?!"
> "Yeah, scary.
JOEL: But evocative of really ancient cartoons like Felix the Cat and his contemporaries, when stretch and squash *meant* something.
> Doc says the fright returned you to your true form…"
> Slappy explained solmely.
> "Look it can’t be her!" Abu screamed.
TOM: "We only dated once!"
> Then suddenly looked at where
> Skippy and Slappy where to see them glaring at him.
CROW: Here are some more words for you. Them are at taping hamster road mill lighting wire on delivery.
> "What they arguing about?" Asked Skippy.
TOM: Hammers. I don’t know why.
> Hello nurse was the one to answer his question, "_I_ think I’ve found
> your real mom…" She said.
CROW: Here, see this web site? http://www.who_skippy’s_real_mom_is_and_how_to_find_her.com?
> "But it can’t be her.." Abu interjected once again.
> "And Abu disagrees with me.." Hello Nurse retorted.
> "So who is my mom…" Skippy enquired tentivly.
JOEL: It’s so awkward when characters ask each other for a first date.
> "Well I think…" Hello Nurse started
> "Even though it can’t be…" Abu interupted.
> "I THINK IT’S….."
TOM: HIS SLED!
> Chapter 4- Skippy’s Mom
JOEL: Hey, I read a story about that once.
> "WHAT?! You can not be serious!!
CROW: Since they’re cartoon characters, you’d hope not.
> How could Skippy be my son?! What; like
> I just happened to forget having a kitten?"
TOM: Who was a squirrel.
> Rita screamed at hello nurse.
> "But the INK test is conclusive, Skippy is a perfect INK match for your
> son…" Hello nurse defended.
JOEL: Hello Nurse took Paul Lynde to block.
> Rita just moaned.
TOM: Rita takes Caroline Rhea to win.
> "I suppose if you REALLY squint and streched out his face, gave him a
> good singing voice, blue eyes and made him a lot smaller
CROW: He’d pass for Frank Sinatra?
> he could just
> about pass for being a cat!" Rita shouted.
TOM: Especially considering he already is one.
> She wondered out of the alley and over to Skippy Squir… <erm..> Cat.
JOEL: A story really shouldn’t be uncomfortable being left by itself.
> Skippy stared at her and then at his "Aunt" Slappy.
> Skippy moved towards Rita slowly, his new longer thiner tail tangled
> up in his feet and he tripped and rolled into Rita’s legs.
CROW: Haha! See? Comedy. Sort of.
JOEL: That’s the fault of the medium. It would’ve worked in animation.
> Rita picked him up by the scruff of the neck
TOM: Or the nape of his neats.
> and placed him on his feet
> "Mom?" Skippy asked softly.
CROW: No, just fellow supporting cast.
> Rita looked down at the small kitten and smiled a bit.
> "Maybe kid, maybe…"
TOM: If you’re not afraid of the vacuum cleaner, I have a place for you in my organization.
> Slappy stood looking at Rita and her "new son" with tears in her eyes.
> Rita saw Slappy’s tears and had a great idea…
> "Slappy, I was just wondering, now i’ve a kid _AND_ a dog to look after
CROW: And I have to lead a starship half-crewed with Maquis rebels back across 70,000 light years of uncharted space.
> if we could find a home somewhere, I mean even just a simple TREE house
> would be great…"
CROW: A simple tree house? But Slappy’s tree house has central heating, satellite TV, and no extradition treaties.
TOM: Mm…how’s the rent?
CROW: One abu a month.
TOM: I oughta slug you.
> Rita hevily emphsised the tree bit but it still took
> Slappy a few seconds to recognise what Rita was proposing.
JOEL: [ As Slappy ] Yeah, I can introduce you to Jennifer of the Jungle.
> "I think that would be a great idea…" Slappy said tearfully, but these
> were tears of happiness.
TOM: No. I would believe in Margaret Chase Smith breakdancing before I would believe in Slappy having tears of happiness.
CROW: Let’s blow this popsicle stand.
JOEL: Sure thing.
[ ALL exit ]
[ COMMERCIAL BREAK ]
[ To continue … ]