MiSTed: Skippy’s Mom (part 6 of 12)


We’ve reached the halfway point in “Skippy’s Mom”, another Mystery Science Theater 3000 fanfiction fresh to you from sometime in the late 90s or maybe early 2000s, I forget. The whole of the series should appear at this link.

Skippy, taking an INK test, learns that his genetics are a perfect match for … Rita, from Rita and Runt?! In shock the squirrel transforms into a kitten. Rita and Slappy agree to trade sidekicks while Skippy gets in touch with being a cartoon cat.

When I wrote this the idea that every dumb Hanna-Barbera cartoon of the 70s was going to be revived into a movie or new show was fanciful. (I am surprised there hasn’t been a dedicated Speed Buggy or Jabberjaw project, though.) I like the chatter about “we made everything up … it’s the only way to be objective”. The long, confusing riff about “Black even, raider six, green odd, seven” and so on is lifted from a long, confusing bit of dialogue from one of Stephen Ratliff’s famous Marissa Picard stories, the epics that made MiSTings a thing. I have thought a good deal about sharing some of those MiSTings, although those were all riffed collaboratively and people who weren’t me did the final editing and ‘publishing’. The “periodi-stories” were a collection of fan fictions Charles Brown wrote about some kind of teamup between Runt, of Animaniacs fame, and Abu, of Disney’s Aladdin. Despite the tease, so far as I know, nobody ever riffed any of them. Bit of a shame since, as you can see, Brown wrote stories that are riffable but not unpleasant to read.



[ SOL DESK. GYPSY, CROW and TOM are reviewing papers on the desk. JOEL enters, playing paddleball. ]

CROW: Oh, yes, fascinating.

GYPSY: Keen.

CROW: It’s like a blueprint to our futures.

JOEL: [ Continuing to play ] Having fun, guys?

CROW: [ Pretentious ] Fun, Joel? We seek our destiny.

TOM: And it’s real easy to get, too.

JOEL: I’m going to dig deep here and guess you guys have decided to give INK tests to yourselves?

CROW: Of course not.

GYPSY: Duh.

CROW: We don’t have INK.

TOM: So we took the B-O-T tests.

CROW: And worked them out for ourselves.

TOM: Not just ourselves! Everyone! History belongs to those with the perfect B-O-T sequence coursing through their bloodstreams.

CROW: For instance, it turns out my future will lead inevitably to me being fed ice cream sandwiches all day while watching E! network fashion specials.

JOEL: Uhm… yeah.

TOM: And I shall someday have a lucritive career constructing models of ‘Arcee,’ the sometimes-seen female Transformer, out of everyday articles found around the house while being treated to pudding cups and frozen White Castle hamburgers by my kind and willing servents.

JOEL: Uhhuh. And Gypsy?

GYPSY: I’m going to direct the live-action "Speed Buggy" movie.

TOM:And be Executive Producer for "Jabberjaw: The Next Generation."

JOEL: With an able-bodied, devoted staff of followers, right?

TOM: Follower, actually.

GYPSY: Just one.

JOEL: Would this be the same guy serving Crow and Tom all day?

GYPSY: Oh yeah.

TOM: He’d get regular coffee breaks. With popcorn priveleges.

CROW: Yeah. And it could be any… kindhearted, kinda cute guy, really.

JOEL: But it’s going to be me, right?

CROW: Well, we’d have to work up your BOT tests to know.

TOM: Pump it through the gene sequencer, test sample growth within controlled media, extensive electron microscopy…

CROW: But, yeah, it’s gonna be you.

GYPSY: Yup.

TOM: No way around it, Joel.

JOEL: Could I see the raw data on this?

GYPSY: We made everything up.

CROW: It’s the only way to be objective.

JOEL: I’ve got to get you three more board games.

TOM: Can we get a DVD player instead?

[ MOVIE SIGN flashes ]

JOEL: Later — we got movie sign!

[ General pandemonium. ]

[ 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. ]

[ ALL file in ]

>
> Chapter 5 – The start

JOEL: Shouldn’t that have happened before the fifth chapter?

> ———————
> Rita and her new son Skippy had moved in with Slappy almost a month ago
> now,

TOM: No, no, not a month ago now — a month ago back then.

CROW: When, just now?

JOEL: No, we passed then already. It’s nearer now.

TOM: Nearer to now or nearer to then?

CROW: Then, then, or the then just now?

JOEL: Will Rick Moranis please clear the theater? Thank you.

> Skippy had almost forgotten about being a squirrel entirly except

CROW: In restaurants that offer discounts to rodents under the age of ten.

> when late at night he’d wake from a horrible nightmare and not be able to
> remeber it, which was a shame as he would never know if it was the or not
> nightmare remebering which was worse.

JOEL: Black even, raider six, Green odd, seven, Green even, eight, Red even reassigned to nine, Red odd, four, leaders assist as necessary your wings.

> Rita too had forgotten what it was like to be free, as far as she was
> concened Skippy was the most important thing in the world.

CROW: Next to the TV Food Network.

> Much to the amazement of Runt who after saving the world several times

ALL: [ Shaking in disbelief ] Bleahlelalela.

> <See the daily perodi-stories if you really want to know..>

TOM: There’s a periodic table of "Runt" stories?

CROW: I just had a chilling vision of our future.

> had returned only to find that his best friend had new responsiblities.
> Slappy did very little, she mostly just sat in her rocking chair staring
> at Rita and Skippy playing happily like cats normally do.

JOEL: This is the fourth-worst New Year’s party I’ve ever seen.

> "Erm Slappy.." Runt said agian.

CROW: Agian? See?


[ To continue … ]

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Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

5 thoughts on “MiSTed: Skippy’s Mom (part 6 of 12)”

  1. CROW: Agian? See

    TOM: Wasn’t that Larry Storch’s “F-Troop” character?

    JOEL: Say guys, did you know that Larry Storch was the Mel Blanc for the last few WB theatrical cartoons,voicing everyone from Cool Cat to Merlin the Magical Mouse?
    TOM: Who let Leonard Maltin in here?

    Like

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