And now to the end of “Skippy’s Mom”, a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fanfiction from around 1999 or so. The whole of the series should be at this link.
This is just the closing sketch, because I insisted on doing host sketches back in the day and I’m a little looser on that nowadays. I have the nagging feeling that “Project Skippy” refers to some actual conspiracy theory but I don’t remember what. The reference to Robotman and the Milde family is about Jim Meddick’s brilliant comic strip Monty. The strip started titled Robotman, about a cute alien robot living with the Milde family in the suburbs. Eventually Robotman left the Milde family to live with Monty, and eventually after that Robotman left the strip altogether. It’s a fascinating, weird thing. TV’s Frank holding off his dying because he’s got one left is a Bugs Bunny lick. The closing line about if you or someone you love is a squirrel, run up a tree really fast, is ripped from an article titled something like “Ways To Tell If You’re A Squirrel” that ran in the humor section of The Rutgers Review back when I was an undergraduate, fourteen years before they invented dirt. It wasn’t my joke and I’ve been sad about that ever since.
[ ALL exit ]
[ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ]
[ SOL. TOM, JOEL and CROW are standing behind the desk. ]
TOM: Well, that story raised issues.
CROW: Oh, yeah. Uh… like…
JOEL: Like, who Skippy’s mother is.
CROW: Right, right. Fortunately it gave us that neat answer.
TOM: Ah, you poor, trusting soul. Do you think we met the *real* mother of Skippy in that piece?
CROW: Are you suggesting a coverup?
TOM: I most certainly am! For you see, recently I have come into posession of certain documents — the source of which must remain anonymous — that tell me a top-secret research program lead to the creation of Project Skippy.
JOEL: I think we all know where this is going, Tom.
TOM: JOEL! You’re going to ruin the dramatic tension!
JOEL: Unless you tie it into where the Milde family in "Robotman" went, it’s just not going to snag us.
TOM: But you’ve gotta! If you don’t… aw…
[ TOM ducks off camera, stage right. ]
JOEL: [ Walking in from stage right. ] I hate to ruin his fun, but…
CROW: I know. You have to be firm.
JOEL: [ Patting CROW ] Let’s go have an ice cream soda.
[ They walk off to stage left. ]
TOM: [ Coming in from stage right, wearing Rocky the Flying Squirrel aviator goggles and a squirrel tail stuck around his back. ] And lo! I am Skippy’s real mom, and I have come to… guys? Hello?
[ TOM looks under the desk, and back up again. ]
TOM: Now I just feel self-conscious.
[ MADS SIGN flashes ]
TOM: Ooh… uh, Major *Tom* to ground control. [ TOM snickers ] For the record, the shirt I wear is — [ abrupt cutoff ]
[ DEEP 13. FRANK is on the ground, writhing. DR. FORRESTER is waiting impatiently for him. ]
[ FRANK wriggles, kicking his feet up and down again, rolling side to side, making hissing sounds, twitching, et cetera. It continues for several beats, maybe too long. ]
DR.F: Would you just get *on* with it already? We *do* have other things to do today.
FRANK: Hold your horses, I got one left!
DR.F: All right, but make it snappy.
[ FRANK pushes himself up as far as he can while lying on his back, takes a loud, deep breath, groans at the top of this arc for several beats. Finally DR. FORRESTER puts his foot on FRANK’s chest. ]
DR.F: Just push the button on the way down.
[ DR. FORRESTER slams FRANK to the ground, as FRANK exhales. ]
\ | / \ | / \ | / ----o---- / | \ / | \ / | \
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and Copyright Best Brains, inc. Skippy, Slappy, Rita, Runt, Hello Nurse, and the Animaniacs characters are trademarks of and
Copyright Time-Warner. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment and satiric purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights and trademarks is intended or should be inferred. "Skippy’s Mom" is copyright Charles Brown and is used with permission. This work is copyright Joseph Nebus. The B-O-T sketch was developed from an idea by Matthew Miller, who pointed the fanfic out to me and also contributed several jokes. If you determine that you or a loved one is a squirrel, run up a tree really fast.
> "A hospital could do a INK test on you Skippy." Hello Nurse offered,
[ The end .. or is it? ]