I don’t know how long the thrill of this is going to last, but I was reading the “List Of Fictional Mustelids”. If you’re wondering why I went there, it’s because I thought I was going to the “List of Fictional Skunks” page. But before it gets to its list of mustelids that do not exist, we have these paragraphs:
All fictional badgers are found within the list of fictional badgers.
Fictional raccoons are found in the List of fictional raccoons.
I love the clarity of these paragraphs. And wonder how they can prove that all fictional badgers have made the list. Also why someone would go to a list of fictional mustelids if they were looking up fictional raccoons. I mean, who would think a raccoon was a mustelid? A rodent, sure, baby raccoons are classified under rodents, but mustelids? Sheesh.
I don’t know about you but for me the Christmas run-up isn’t really started right until I’ve spent a couple hours trying to peel the price sticker off the back of books. This is impossible to do, because those stickers adhere to the book cover by means of a polymerized black hole and they’ll weld in place, and the binding is the most powerful right over the book’s price. You can kind of scrape off the bookstore’s name and the sku number and department information, and kind of scrape off enough of the sticker so as to make it a little tricky to read the price, but mostly you leave the book looking like the cover was victim of a focused tactical assault by a team of miniature badgers.
Still, it’s all worth it to make it a tiny bit harder for the recipient to know what the price of the book is, as long as the recipient has never actually looked at books and noticed that the price is given in somewhere between twelve and eighty-four places on the cover. But it’s the thought that counts, and if you know what the thought is, please let me know because I’d kind of like to stop doing all this but I don’t dare.