Caption This: Finally We Understand What’s In Cargo Bay 6


So, I had some fresh mathematics comics to write about and wrote about them over on the other blog. No pictures, but then, no calculus either. I’m hoping for better things next week, but who isn’t?

So, on to something I noticed while looking at pictures of the Star Trek: Enterprise episode “Vox Sola”, and don’t go asking why I’m looking at screen grabs from Star Trek: Enterprise episodes.

Look, I just need to do things like that, because if I didn’t, how would I find pictures like this? Exactly. I’d have to wait for someone else to find the pictures for me and that’s just inefficient. Let me have this. And by letting me have this, I mean letting you have this from me. So here it is:

Archer lying in a pool of gooey white mucus-y stuff because that's what Star Trek: Enerprise was doing its first season.
This. This is exactly what Dr Noonian Soong was hoping that Data could achieve when he developed the sneezing routine.

“And that, Captain, is why we have a regulation against leaving ship without the giant box of Kleenex.”

Have a better thought for this? I’m not surprised, and please, take some space here to fill it in:

Thank you! Yes, I see the risque jokes too.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index rose seven points today but nobody was able to feel good about it. You know why? They started thinking about the other timeline, you know, the good one. You know what’s going on there? Over there leading Republicans are already calling her “King Hitlery” and demanding Clinton and Obama be impeached. And you know why? It’s because of this refugee Libyan orphan who sang at Clinton’s inauguration ball and did this rendition of “America The Beautiful” so haunting that the whole world was reduced to this blubbering mass of joy. Like, for a week-plus the whole Internet was happier than it’s been since Pokemon Go came out and everybody felt so good about that. It broke V-E day’s record for strangers hugging each other in public. And now there’s a bunch of unfounded — and, a 20-month investigation will concede, after the midterm elections, utterly false — allegations that the singer got preferential admission just so that she could sing at the inaugural ball. And it’s the start of taking this wonderful transcendant moment and dragging it into mud. And they’re dealing with that over in the good timeline and can’t believe how they can’t have nice things, and look where we are now, and when you look at that what does trading volume on the Another Blog, Meanwhile index even matter?

131

Choose Wisely


Lending Locker for the long-stay hotel. 'Borrow a blender or a board game. The Lending Locker is stocked with kitchen items, games and small appliances. Borrow what you'd like by checking in with a team member at the Front Desk.'
“Can I borrow the juice squeezer?” “NO! ONLY the blender OR the board game!” “Can I borrow both?” And the clerk runs back to the manager. “Boss, they’ve broken the system!”

How you decide will affect the precise level of drama associated with your game of Yahtzee.

Also going on: my mathematics blog and its comic strips review. I also briefly debunk a lovely present my aunt and uncle gave me several years ago.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

In getting back to trading after the Christmas break the Another Blog, Meanwhile dropped four points. This beat analyst expectations as they’d figured there was no reason they wouldn’t drop eight or even twelve points considering how poorly everyone does right after a big holiday. Really they’re amazed anyone could get themselves out on the trading floor, considering.

93

Picture This: And Some Mathematics Comics


Well, this is embarrassing. Normally I coax people into reading my mathematics comics on Monday by giving them a Caption This! picture and a caption and some space to riff on their own. But I don’t have anything right now. I’ve been out of the TrekBBS loop so haven’t got anything from their selection of Star Trek characters with mouths awkwardly open. And I haven’t had time to look through my pictures to find something good. So what can I do?

Well, here. Let me give you some space and a caption and if you find a picture that the caption is funny for we can work out a deal. That’s fair, isn’t it? Here goes.

[ Picture goes here, maybe yours. ]

“Mark? Mark, you know you are completely visible, right? Yeah, we can totally see you there. Everything you’re doing, too. Yeah. Completely, utterly visible. No, really. I promise.”

I feel like something’s missing yet. Maybe I’ll have a picture for next time. We’ll see.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The Another Blog, Meanwhile index dropped eight points in cold-affected trading following the discovery that all the hot chocolate from last year had coagulated into a fist-sized lump of brownish, slightly dusty concrete. Analysts don’t know how this happened or who to blame for it but they will take nominations and mini-marshmallows in care of this station.

93

Caption This: Another Question Raised By Star Trek: Voyager


Barclay sitting with his arms folded and it just happens his eyes closed while Troi watches and his cat licks a bowl of what looks like peach ice cream to me.
Deep into the sixth season, Star Trek: Voyager seeks to tap the share of the TV-watching public that just can’t get enough of the powerhouse combo of Marina Sirtis and The Guy Who Played The Guy Who Used Holodecks For Actual Fun And Power Fantasies The Way Humans Would. Guests of Star Trek: Voyager stay in the lovely Pavel Chekov Microtel convenient to the heart of the old Desilu filming lot and with great views of the Golden Gate Bridge from every single window, including the fridge door one into the freezer and the windows Barclay’s sometimes-opened eyes would show into his soul.

It’s the 24th century. Why are people having meetings in the lobby of a Cracker Barrel?

If you know or have a better thought what to do with this picture, please, use the space here. I’m mostly including a picture like this to pad out pointing over to my mathematics blog, which had some more comic strips to talk about the other day, which was yesterday. Suggested topic: why is Barclay’s cat eating a heaping dish of Brain Ice Cream? Is that really healthy for a creature made of live Photoshop “dry brush” pen strokes?

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index rose a nice four points, or more than 2.8 percent, on trading that most described as “kippy” or even “disembogue” because those were the vocabulary words on the word-a-day calendar the last couple days. “Kippy” can kind of be made to fit but “disembogue” is something about rivers so they’re just showing off at this point. Also they like expressing stuff in percent because it has all those decimals and those look nice and scientific.

145

The Usual Sort Of Monday-ish Stuff


Background, Quark the bartender looking all huffy. Foreground, Harry Kim and Tom Paris all sure that they're going to be on the good series.
As one of the leading bars on the far edge of explored space it’s important that Quark stock his shelves with those sanitizing liquids barbershops keep their combs and scissors in.

Tom Paris, the one holding his fingers together: “And if we combine the supporting casts of Star Trek: Voyager and Deep Space Nine we’ll form this mighty pop cultural armada so powerful that within five years people will ask `William Shatner who?’ … are you ready to join us?”

Quark, the bartender rocking the Rhoda outfit: “Yeah, you’re cut off.”

And here’s some space for your own captions, if you’ve got a better one.

And finally my mathematics blog talked about comic strips yesterday. All goes well it’ll talk about them tomorrow too.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index drifted down four points owing to traders being distracted by all the decorative gourds they have at the stores these days. Last year we found one that looked just like a perfect goose, with the stem even making a perfect beak. We’ve had some good results this year including one that makes a respectable crane (the bird kind) but man, nothing is ever going to top that goose gourd. Ah, well, such things can’t last forever; if they could, would we appreciate them while they lasted? Yes, of course we would.

145

Caption This: The Consultant’s Review


Picard and Dr Crusher awkwardly offering handshakes to the seated Vash.
Yes yes I know the woman is Vash and she’s Captain Picard’s slightly out-of-character lightly-romantic entanglement from that Indiana Jones ripoff episode that we all thought was pretty swell at the time but haven’t looked back on, and this still is from that Robin Hood ripoff episode that I certainly thought was one of the worst things they had done not featuring The Outrageous Okona but haven’t looked back on, even if I admit Worf had two good lines only one of which was ripped off from Animal House which I haven’t seen either and don’t judge me.

Woman: “All right, I’ve seen enough. Well. While this may look bad, I don’t think you have reason to worry. I have helped people with even more severe difficulties in high-fiving. And, as they say, the mere fact that you realize you need help indicates that you’re not too far gone.”


And I enjoy when people have their own ideas, so here’s some space for that:


As usual for Sundays I reviewed comic strips over on my other blog. Includes two comics to look at directly instead of just clicking links to read later on! Which for some reason I don’t do for every comic strip I talk about. I don’t know either.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index rose slightly when analysts remembered this Dave Barry crack about employment figures being eaten by a goat. In context it makes sense and you can see why analysts would be thinking about goats eating things.

116

Caption This: The Man, Trapped


Spock writing on his Space Clipboard while Uhura looks on.
The High-Definition remastering from original film elements this episode got a couple years ago really makes the pile of yard sale Space Garbage in the background look alive.

Uhura: “Should you really be writing your fanfic on the bridge, Commander?”

Spock: “Should you really be peeking over my shoulder if you don’t want the jerkface aliens named for you, Lieutenant?”


Here’s some space for your own caption, if you prefer:


And, hey, more comic strips over on my mathematics blog. I mention the mysteries of three but fail to share Robert Benchley’s piece about the number. Too bad.

Now I Know Why I Failed Bio (Toys At Michael’s Edition)


Now I Know Why I Failed Bio (Toys At Michael's Edition)
I wasn’t suspicious until I noticed the bin labelled ‘SQUIRREL’ was empty except for a baby deer and then I knew: someone got them!

I totally would have said these were toy lobsters. Live and learn. Ah well. Happy moon-blowing-out-of-Earth’s-orbit day, everyone!

Also stuff was normal again on my mathematics blog, so you can look over there. I’d like it if you did.

Caption This: Fixing The Screen


I did some more comic strip stuff over on my mathematics blog. Please, enjoy that, won’t you?

Meanwhile rather than work too hard, let me give you this to caption:

The starship Enterprise viewscreen, with a huge field of static on it. And Sulu looking back, the way he always did in the original show.
I always felt sad for the poor cadet on the right who doesn’t get a chair but does get the boss staring at his back all day, every day, no matter what. And doesn’t even get to see the main screen.

 

 

 

The correct caption?

Kirk: “I don’t know. Have you tried jiggling the cable?”

If not correct please discuss below.

Caption This: Why Even Spend The Whole Episode In Smooth-Floored Caves


Picard, Data, Spock, and some Romulans standing around the cave.
Decades of work figuring out Romulan Tasha Yar’s plot from the episode have finally revealed that the only way it makes a lick of sense if you suppose everybody involved was lying to each other about what the scheme actually was, even when they were doing the big reveal of what the evil scheme of evilness was all about.

“My parents! They’re home already! Guys, we gotta clean this cave up right now!”

[ Do you have a better caption? Maybe. I like this one, but what the heck. Use the space below as you like. Winners to be informed. ]


So over on my mathematics blog, I wrote all about a bunch of comic strips for the 5th of April. I posted it there on the 9th of April, and I’m posting this pointer to it on what WordPress’s servers says is the 13th of April but which my own personal time zone which I let many people share say is the 12th of April. I do this in the hopes of clearing up any confusion.

Caption This: Agent 13 In The Delta Quadrant


Somebody other other poking his head out the wall, to Tuvok.
Agent 13: “Hi, Max. It’s been centuries!”
Tuvok: “Hello. Have you observed any instances of Kazon agents in the area?”
Agent 13: “Hey, did the Chief ever answer my vacation request?”

“I came into Star Fleet for the action, the excitement. Go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there’s trouble, a man alone. Now they got the whole starship sectioned off, you can’t make a move without a form.”


The wrong riff? Could be. Please, enjoy this space for one of your own, or someone else’s:

Meanwhile, over on my mathematics blog, there were a couple comic strips for Pi Day. Also some general mathematics stuff. You’ll enjoy them, I hope.

Caption This: Peeking In On … Are They Up To The 25th Century Yet?


Dr Crusher with her face shoved up against kind of giant microscope type device.
Isn’t sickbay a strange place to keep the ship’s periscope?

[ Picard, off-screen: ] Captain’s log, supplemental. We have entered our third day without success getting the superglue off Dr Crusher’s medical scanner.


(Wrong caption? Go ahead, use this space to offer a better one.)

 


Meanwhile over on my mathematics blog, I’ve had another chance to talk about comic strips. Mostly Popeye. Also I’ve got through the first week of the Leap Day 2016 Mathematics A To Z project, a glossary of mathematics terms written in a way I hope makes sense to non-mathematicians. Please, consider enjoying.

Caption This: The Turbulent Decade


Do you like comic strips? Most of us do. If you’d like comic strips plus a picture of our pet rabbit, please check my mathematics blog, since there’s both of those going on there. Meanwhile, going on here:


Spock observes a grafito: 'Love Mankind'.
From “The Naked Time”, the episode that made Star Trek show producers think we could never get enough of zany space diseases. The note on the wall is actually the signature after a quite long message to the Enterprise crew. Here’s hoping it wasn’t a ‘Dear John’ letter.

Spock: “Oh yeah. It is the Space Sixties, isn’t it?”


As ever, if you’ve got a more right idea about what the caption should be, please share it here. It’s quite possible someone will win a prize, somehow! I’m not stopping them from winning, anyway.

Caption This: Camping In The Delta Quadrant


Janeway and a large expressionless plastic figure (Chakotay) standing around some camping-or-something equipment in the middle of the park next to Paramount Studios sometime in the late 90s.
This is from some episode of Star Trek: Voyager but I don’t know which and I’m too embarrassed to admit that fact or to ask for help. Any ideas, friend?

Janeway: “Can opener?”


Did I get it wrong? Maybe. Let me know if you have the right caption in mind. Also, if you’re interested in mathematically-themed comic strips, I talked about a couple of them the other day and you might like that.

Caption This: Meanwhile, In 23rd Century Tensions


Over on my mathematics blog there’s more comic strips reviewed, so why not enjoy those? It’s all fun stuff.

Spock signing some form or other as Kirk makes his way carefully onto the bridge.
It’s from the episode “Journey to Babel”, where we got to find out Spock had parents and where Kirk tries to fend off an attacker by hopping around a bunch. Kirk gets stabbed and almost dies.

Nimoy: And if Shatner stays off the bridge five more minutes I’ll have him entirely written out of this episode.

(Too soon? Well, I’ll take other captions if you have them.)

Caption This: Ray Walston Doing Things


Before we get to the main stuff. My mathematics blog? I had a couple more comic strips to talk about yesterday. Yes, one of them is Barney Google. I think you might enjoy it anyway. A lot of cartoonists did jokes about gambling last week, for some reason. Now:

Ray Walston pours a drink from a pyramidal glass into a shorter square-cylinder glass.
In this thrilling episode of Star Trek: Voyager, Ray Walston acts all cranky and asks why he has to talk to Neelix. I’m guessing.

Ray Walston Character: “Humans. Humans think of themselves as the supreme beings of their universe, the masters of their destiny — if not now, then at least, as beings who will be someday masters of their destiny. And yet as you explore the universe, its great potentials, its vast failures, its diversity of form and thought and expression, you come to a realization. The fatal flaw of the species, my friends, one I imagine that will never be overcome, is that humans are quite mediocre at discerning whether very different shapes enclose approximately equal volumes.”


Go ahead, top me with a better caption. I can take it, I’ll pretend.

Caption This: Script Revision Time


While it’s no Apartment 3-G update, my mathematics blog does talk about comic strips today, and works out whether a cartoonist’s joke 20 years ago about TV schedules actually makes sense. Please consider reading that. I think it’s worth it. Now on to making fun of a picture.


Chakotay sitting at a table, reading from a book, while a woman in the background has a drink.
Yes, none of these people are what they look like. They’re actually all actors! Except Chakotay.

Chakotay: “According to the next five weeks of scripts all I do is play a chair.”

Janeway: “We want to use your strengths.”


Wrong caption? Wrong response? Wrong Janeway? Take the space here, please, and offer folks a better one. I won’t fume too long about a funnier line.

Caption This! Contests On The Starship Enterprise


Troi, Riker, and O'Brien are sitting up on the beds in sickbay. That's most of the action.
The 24th Century enjoys a great number of medical advances, but the one that makes the biggest difference is they have shiny blankets.

Troi, Riker, and O’Brien rehearse for the deciding round of this year’s Sit Like Kermit The Frog Contest.


Right caption? Wrong caption ? Let me know if you’ve got a better. Also, my mathematics blog talks more about comic strips, and you’d be stunned how quickly I’m able to get from a Popeye strip into demon-summoning!

Caption This! Bride Of Voyager


Paris and Tuvok read stuff from a Space Ticker Tape machine in front of an angry-looking robot.
I haven’t actually seen this episode. I feel like I ought to, because I like the screen captures of it so much. But I also feel like the actual thing couldn’t live up to the hopes of 30s Serial Glory raised by stuff like the Voyager crew running around in homburgs.

You really forget just how different the first season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 looked.


Have I captioned it wrong? Possibly. I think “Boy, the first season of Mystery Science Theater 3000 looked totally different” might be a better version of the same joke, for example. Or there might be some other joke possible. Let me know!

And Then What Meets The Eye


You live in a nice, respectable, basically quiet neighborhood for years and then one day wake up to find the neighbors have got Constructicons.

It's an excavator sitting in the driveway of a nearby house.
Wikipedia’s entry on the Constructicons, from which I could work out that this would be Scavenger, contains the sentence “It is ironic that the suitably intelligent Constructicons should sacrifice their thinking ability in their combined form, but simple-mindedness is a common limitation of the assorted other first-generation combining Transformers, because Devastator’s thoughts and actions are limited to what his six components can agree upon at any given time.” While that sentence goes off the rails after about its eighteenth comma-separated clause, it does try seriously to speak of the ironies of the Transformers Generation 1 universe. That deserves our respect.

See where that “Everything Is Going To Be Alright” sign at the auto mechanic’s has got us?