So why aren’t there Ohio Safety Matches anymore? I have a hypothesis.
- Klein, Pennsylvania
- Braxton’s Glurge, Pennsylvania
- Cadbury, Pennsylvania
- Lansing, Pennsylvania
- Vermont, Pennsylvania
- Four Yoink, Pennsylvania
- Paddlebonk Creek, Pennsylvania
- Rowntree, Pennsylvania
- Lesser Staple, Delaware
- Josie and the Pussycats, Pennsylvania
- Tweed, Pennsylvania
- Other Hartford, Pennsylvania
Reference: European History 1648 to 1789,, R M Rayner.
- Inventing the “float glass” process for inexpensive and very uniform transparent glass.
- Eliminating smallpox.
- All the theatrically released Mister Magoo cartoons.
- Establishment of the Ottoman Empire.
- Disestablishment of the Ottoman Empire.
- Domestication of guinea pigs.
- The Third Punic War.
- Composing the epic poem The Song Of Roland.
- Laying at least six trans-Atlantic telephone cables.
- Development of Metropolis-Hastings Monte Carlo algorithms.
- Inventing hotels, California.
- Landing people on the Moon and returning them to the Earth.
- The invention of photocopiers.
- Final adjudication of the “wedge” of territory west of Delaware’s Twelve-Mile Circle and claimed by Delaware, Maryland, and Pennsylvania.
- Every performance of Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show.
On the one hand, many of these seem like much more important things to accomplish first. On the other hand, as swell a song as it may be, it doesn’t seem like “Hotel California” should have taken that much effort to create, does it? History is a curious thing.
According to Reuters, a District Court judge has ordered a cargo ship with 110,000 cartons of overripe bananas held in port while Del Monte Fresh Produce and the Seatrade Group argue about whose fault it is the bananas spoiled on the way from Guatemala to Gloucester City, New Jersey. This is an argument going on in court, so please don’t think Judge Robert Kugler was just overhearing big corporations squabbling and figuring he could get in on the action. They brought him into this.
Still, why keep all the bananas around? Everybody involved seems to agree they’re spoiled, and they’re not going to get any less spoiled waiting in harbor. I’d expect the spoiled-ness of the bananas to be taken as given and then sent to wherever bad bananas go, or at least to bad banana purgatory. I have to figure Judge Kugler wants the bananas for himself and has something in mind, and keeping the bananas in port is just a means to the end. My guess is he’s arranging to have Delaware slip and fall right on the Twelve-Mile Circle.