Besides Not Being Elected, Charlie Brown


I don’t want to worry too much about the minor peculiarities of the Peanuts universe but something came up while watching the truncated little bits of You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown that they show so they can pad out It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown to an hour long. The problem is that as the story goes, Charlie Brown never even runs for school president, so, yes, “You’re Not Elected” is a literally true summary of what happens over the course of the story. But since he didn’t have a chance of being elected it would be no less incorrect if the special had any of these titles instead:

  • You’re Not Named Deputy Ambassador to the Netherlands, Charlie Brown
  • You’re Not The New County Commissioner of Drains, Charlie Brown
  • You’re Not Part Of A Hipster Cover Band Called “Charles Brownies”, Charlie Brown
  • You Don’t Go Swimming Right After Eating, Charlie Brown
  • You Don’t Make A Spectacle Of Yourself In A Humiliatingly Bad Pricing Game On The Price Is Right, Charlie Brown
  • You’re Not The 43rd Person To Walk On The Moon, Charlie Brown
  • You’re Not In A Shockingly Bitter Blog Fight With A Guy Who Writes Star Trek Novels, Charlie Brown
  • You’re Not A Kangaroo, Charlie Brown

I’m sorry to harp on this point. It’s just that the logical vapidity of the title turned the seven-year-old me into a little quivering ball of young Peanuts fanboy outrage and I have absolutely no useful way of dealing with that.