Is This Fair?


We went to the county fair, because that’s a good way for someone like me who spent most of his time growing up not going out in the wild, or out of doors, or necessarily out of the bedroom, or out of bed, to experience the wonders of nature and be sneezed on by goats. I had a very goat-booger-free upbringing and I can’t attribute most of my problems to that, although my slowness at flinching away from sneezing goats can probably be attributed to that fact.

Inside the pigs exhibit there were, well, it’s right there as implied. One of the stalls had a pair of pigs in it, one lying on the floor, the other standing above and just spraying this horrible garden hose of urine right on the lower pig’s head. It’s terrible, but before condemning the upper pig I have to say that roommate squabbles can be terrible things, and this almost certainly wasn’t the start of the fight. A fight has to escalate to the point of public urination, or else the upper pig was doing it all wrong. Which might be, of course, since I’m sure that some pigs can be as much of a jerk as some people can. I just feel I need more to the story to properly feel disgusted.

Flight Checks


From: flightnews@upperairlines.com
Subject: UPA8100 Flight updates now available.

Thank you for signing up to receive e-mail updates on any changes to your forthcoming flight UPA8100 from Salisbury, North Carolina to Plattsburgh, New York. We send our smuggest condolences to you on the occasion of whatever life choices have forced you to fly from Salisbury, North Carolina to Plattsburgh, New York, this Friday departing at 5:42 am and hope you enjoy leaning your forehead on our new comfort-rated windows just cool enough to make lifting your head feel like too much work.


From: flightnews@upperairlines.com
Subject: Flight Delay – UPA8100 departing at 5:56 am

Due to delayed crew arrivals at our Hartford, Connecticut, branch facility flight UPA8100 will now be scheduled to take off at 5:56 am. Please be at the airport before it takes off as this simplifies boarding procedures.


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