Statistics Saturday: Actual Star Trek: The Next Generation Plots That Sound Like Parodies Of Star Trek: The Next Generation Plots


With thanks to my love for noticing this.

  • Aliens replace Captain Picard with a double who’d be perfect if not for his rousing drunken singalongs in the bar.
  • A historian from the future turns out to be a con artist from the past. Picard decides whether to risk saving a planet suffering from too much static electricity.
  • Data practices how to sneeze. Also he has an evil twin.
  • In an alternate timeline the Federation is doomed, but Guinan and Tasha Yar are great friends.
  • The transporter makes Picard twelve years old while space pirates take over the Enterprise.
  • A planet of extremely white scantily-clad sex partners wants to execute Wesley for tripping over a flower.
  • Worf has a crush on some fish-aliens, one of whom is Mick Fleetwood for some reason. Troi’s Mom hits on a holodeck bartender.
  • Riker’s the lead actor in Dr Crusher’s play! Also maybe crazy.
  • Worf gets dizzy whenever he falls into a parallel universe.
  • Dr Crusher gets a Ferengi scientist killed when she incorrectly diagnoses another alien as being dead.
  • Troi shows Mark Twain around the Enterprise. Picard pretends to lead a San Francisco theatrical company. (Emmy Award-winning episode, for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Hairstyling for a Series.)
  • Worf finds a planet where Klingons and Romulans live together peacefully and puts a stop to that. Data has crazypants dreams.
  • Poker night holds the only key to escaping a spacetime anomaly.
  • Data makes friends with a little alien girl over his Space Ham Radio, so they save her planet.
  • It just so happens nobody had ever asked if Data was a person or a thing before making him third-in-command of the Federation flagship.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index fell three points, then rose three points and dropped another three points, just to see if it could get your attention from all the way over there in your peripheral vision.

129

When We All Stopped Watching Deep Space Nine


Before I get into this, a couple days ago my mathematics blog had another group of comic strips to talk about. I like that sort of talk and I hope you’ll at least give it a read and see whether you like it too. That done, remember like 1992 when we tried out watching Deep Space Nine? Remember that we stopped, but not why? Here’s why. It’s an episode called “Move Along Home”, when a flock of tabletop gamers from the Gamma Quadrant invaded the station. Anyway, here’s what you missed from that episode, if you didn’t watch it in the first place:

In a foggy room Deep Space Nine's Commander Sisko takes a swig of a vaguely orange drink.
They’re from a different quadrant, that’s why they buy their party glasses from the dollar store.

A daring choice at the Stardate 46600 Sommelier Competition as Commander Sisko decides to pair a Denebian coq au vin with a tall glass of Strawberry Fanta Zero.

Deep Space Nine's Major Kira stares into the wide-open mouth of some guy with different face markings from the usual.
Crow: Uvula?
Tom Servo: No, I went to William and Mary, actually.

“The little dangly thing at the back of your throat has a smiley face on it.”

The Deep Space Nine crew bangs at one of those diamond-shaped space doors while a kid plays hopscotch without them.
If you’re not sure whether you remember the episode, see if this is still in your head: “Allamaraine, count to four, allamaraine, then three more, allamaraine, if you can see, allamaraine, you’ll come with me,” and then repeat that for thirty-five minutes before the characters catch on.

“Oh, please open up, Family Feud door, that we may compete against the stars of the hit CBS sitcom Dave’s World!

And that’s about it, except that the episode was — really! — nominated for an Emmy Award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Hairstyling for a Series. Which is an actual thing, which is kind of wonderful.

Oh, also, just yesterday I had another bunch of mathematically-themed comic strips so if you wanted to read about those too I’d be glad. Thank you.