Welcome to part 10 of my Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment of Carrie L—‘s Reboot fanfic, “Breaking the Barriers”. You can read, and I hope enjoy, the whole story at this link. You can read, and I hope enjoy, all my MiSTings at this link.
A mysterious portal opened between our protagonist and author Carrie’s home and the world of Reboot. After journeying into the pioneering animated series, its characters went and pioneered right back into Carrie’s small Canadian hometown. Big series bad guy Megabyte, translated into the real world, turns out to be a vampire and to hang out at the mall. And what’s on at the food court but Carrie?
Back when I wrote this around 2002, that Google could give you results in any language or even “Elmer Fudd-ese” was a new and fresh and weird discovery. The Thundarr the Barbarian riff alludes to one episode where Ariel magically gigantifies some dimes so they can be shields. I have replaced one riff that I think was too easy to mis-read as sexist. And otherwise I’m not sure there are any other riffs that could benefit from explanation. So, failing that, please enjoy.
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
JOEL: Hadrian’s Wall, the early years.
> Part Twenty
> Carrie’s mind began to whirl. Nothing like this had ever
> happened to her before.
CROW: Except that one weekend she saw Yancy Street.
> She began to panick, kicking and fighting
> feebly against Megabyte’s iron grip. She could feel herself losing
> conciousness, when Megabyte suddenly pulled away and looked at Bob.
TOM: His venom turned her into Silver Age Lois Lane.
> "Now, Bob." he rumbled, " Your friend will not be harmed any further
> if you do as I asked."
JOEL: Hey, should Carrie and Bob have garlic breath that chases him off?
> Carrie hung limply in Megabyte’s arms. She
> tried desperately to speak or lift her head, but she had no energy.
CROW: Her neck deflated!
> She could see Bob out of the corner of her eye, and she watched in
> horror as he looked down at the ground, submissively. "Alright,
TOM: Megabyte is *this* close to crossing the line.
> He whispered. "I’ll bring you back, but you have to allow
> me to look after Carrie." Megabyte chuckled.
CROW: [ As Megabyte ] "Dilbert" was really funny today!
> "You are in no position
> to bargain, Guardian." Then he smiled, "But, I am not totally without
TOM: Aren’t you supposed to be?
> He held Carrie out for Bob to take. Carrie could feel Bob’s
> arms, and suddenly she was free of Megabyte’s grip.
CROW: [ As Megabyte ] Whoops — slipped!
> She felt safer in Bob’s arms, yet she was terrified at the
> same time.
JOEL: Megabyte doesn’t have a way of soothing people around him.
> Bob couldn’t let Megabyte into the Supercomputer!! He
> could conquer any system if he got into the Armory!
TOM: Within days the world could be flooded with spam and dopey online petitions.
> She struggled to
> force her body to move. She had to tell Bob not to do it!! Then she
> realized something.
JOEL: Turning into a vampire could be really cool.
> If Bob had Glitch, then the tear wasn’t a portal
CROW: That’s a sentence we’ve never seen before.
> How had Bob gotten through?
TOM: Maybe the tear was still a portal.
> Did he have someone helping
> him? Her mind was a jumble of questions as they entered her house and
> went down into the basement.
JOEL: [ As Carrie ] Why does Megabyte want my laundry?
> As they approached her computer,
> Carrie’s fear grew.
CROW: They might find her archive of naughty Animaniacs pictures!
> This meant that Bob really was going to allow
> Megabyte into the Supercomputer to save her. She had to stop him!!
TOM: They’re not saying a lot on this hike home.
JOEL: It’s that awkward silence where they were quiet too long to just start talking again.
> "Now, Bob. I want a portal to the Supercomputer’s Armory."
> Megabyte demanded.
CROW: [ As Bob, bargaining ] I know how to make Google’s translate-to-Elmer-Fudd your home page.
> Bob gently placed Carrie on her couch, brushing
> the hair off her forehead gently. "Don’t worry," Bob whispered to
> her. "I know what I’m doing."
TOM: First time for everything, huh?
> Carrie smiled weakly, "I don’t want you
> to let him through just to save me." She whispered hoarsely.
JOEL: But a promise is a promise…
> Guardian." Megabyte interrupted. Bob stood up and turned to Megabyte.
> "I’ll do it." Bob said,
TOM: But before I do, I want you to sing "You’re A Grand Old Flag." Two verses.
> "But you have to allow Carrie to stay behind,
> to make sure she’ll be okay."
CROW: [ As Bob ] Uhh… will you fall for that?
> Megabyte smiled. "Certainly," he said
TOM: We wouldn’t want to keep his hostage around until after his demands are met.
> "We wouldn’t want her to suffer, would we?" Bob pulled Glitch
> from his pocket and opened it.
JOEL: Scotty, beam us up.
> He quickly pressed the ‘send recorded
> transmission’ button Glitch had provided.
TOM: He’s pirating free TV!
> Silently, Glitch sent the
> message to Bob’s accomplice waiting on the other side.
JOEL: Unfortunately, it’s mistaken for that Nigerian financial scam.
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
CROW: It’s a road map of Shipshewana, Indiana.
> Part Twenty-One
TOM: This is the chapter Charles van Doren helped with.
> He stood silently, peering at the tear before him. *Why do I
> always do this?* he thought.
CROW: For the love of the game?
> *I have better things to do.* He
> crouched down, extending his right blade slightly, and started to draw
> in the dust on the ground.
JOEL: If Marvel Comics owned Marvin the Paranoid Android.
> He was just becoming interested in his
> doodles, when his Web-Echo Collector chirped softly.
CROW: He accidentally created Flash animation.
> Looking around
> quickly, Symble made sure there were no more viral binomes around.
TOM: He sent them all back to Newton for binomial expansion.
> had dealt with the ones that had followed Megabyte quickly enough that
> they had no time to call for backup.
JOEL: And by ‘dealt with’ we mean ‘killed.’
> He pulled the small Collector
> from his belt and listened to the message from Bob.
TOM: [ As Collector ] Bob Bob bo bob, banana fana fo fob, mee mi mo mob —
CROW: Click! Bzzzzzzz…
> Collector said, ‘I need you to open a portal to the Chalo Omega
> System’s energy transport.
TOM: Wouldn’t it solve the problem to beam Megabyte to whatever company owns Amiga this week and let them go bankrupt?
> You have to be ready for Megabyte.’
CROW: How scared can we get of a villain who fits on one three and a half inch floppy?
> The transmission ended and Symble stood up. He walked toward
> the tear, and extended both blades.
JOEL: Oh, this scene’s just here for the symbolism.
> He stopped just in front of it,
> and closed his eyes in concentration.
> His breathing slowed and he
> lifted his blades toward the tear.
TOM: If those are conductive blades he could be setting himself up for a *nasty* shock.
> As they approached the sides, he
> opened his eyes again. They had become completely silver.
CROW: The sides, the blades, or his eyes? You make the call.
JOEL: Silver the color, or silver the metal?
> He looked
> forward unseeingly as his blades touched the sides of the tear. The
> energy began to course through his arms, and then his body,
CROW: Found the capacitor!
> yet he
> didn’t react in any way. He stood like that for a nano, then
> something incredible happened.
JOEL: He was hired as acting coach for "Enterprise."
> The tear flickered briefly, then
> became a silver sphere,
CROW: It’s a giant dime! Thundarr the Barbarian was looking for those!
> the same silver as Symble’s eyes had become.
> He stepped back and, blinking, his eyes returned to the usual black on
JOEL: This is a strange form of color-blindness to catch.
> Another person was looking on, quietly from the shadows.
> had witnessed the whole scene with Megabyte and a sprite she had never
> seen before.
TOM: It’s Carrie’s mom, she’s reading the story!
> The Guardian had followed behind, after foolishly
> testing this new virus.
JOEL: These British newspapers are quirky.
> What she couldn’t figure out was why this
> virus had helped Bob follow her brother. Hexadecimal was glad to see
> him go.
CROW: Binary, octal, and sexagesimal were torn and undecided.
> Now she had all of Mainframe to herself. Yet, she felt
> compelled to simply sit and watch the virus as he guarded the portal.
TOM: It’s not the virus so much as it is the flying toasters.
> She found him intriguing, almost as though she knew him from
JOEL: She saw him on an earlier episode of the show!
> What she found especially facinating was the fact that
> this virus could also form portals, but by using tear energy, rather
> than his own, as she did.
CROW: Never underestimate the power of a good cry.
> *I must meet this new one.* she thought,
> then stepped from the shadows.
> Symble’s ears turned as they picked up a sound behind him. He
> whirled and looked around warily. "Who is out there?"
CROW: Carrie hasn’t decided yet who to have in the story. Sorry.
> he asked the
> silence, "Show yourself!"
JOEL: At least do some funny shadow puppet tricks!
> He stood, poised on the balls of his feet,
> ready to pounce, when a very feminine virus stepped out from the
TOM: What makes a computer virus feminine?
CROW: When she holds your files you only pay 71 cents on the dollar ransom.
> "You don’t have to worry about me." she murmured,
JOEL: I worry for me, so you don’t have to!
> "I pose
> you no harm…yet." Symble watched as her mask changed to a
> suspitious one.
TOM: [ Laser noises ] Ptoo… ptoo ptoo…
> "But, what are you doing in my brother’s territory?"
> Symble looked at her, surprised. "Your….Brother?"
[ to continue … ]