- Klein, Pennsylvania
- Braxton’s Glurge, Pennsylvania
- Cadbury, Pennsylvania
- Lansing, Pennsylvania
- Vermont, Pennsylvania
- Four Yoink, Pennsylvania
- Paddlebonk Creek, Pennsylvania
- Rowntree, Pennsylvania
- Lesser Staple, Delaware
- Josie and the Pussycats, Pennsylvania
- Tweed, Pennsylvania
- Other Hartford, Pennsylvania
Reference: European History 1648 to 1789,, R M Rayner.
- Delaware Water Gap
- Jersey Shore
- East Washington
- New Washington
- West Wyoming
Reference: History of the Hour: Clocks and Modern Temporal Orders, Gerhard Dohrn-van Rossum.
Not listed: North York, West York, Pennsburg, York.
There’s this great amusement park in northeastern Pennsylvania, Knoebels. They’ve spent, and I’m not exaggerating here, nearly a decade and several millions of dollars building and testing a roller coaster called the Flying Turns, re-creating an early-20th-century ride to such levels of historic authenticity that nobody alive knows how to make it work. Well, there’s rumors going around that they might actually have it working, like, this weekend. Conceivably, it could be running right this minute. And now we’re, and I’m not exaggerating this either, torn on whether to head out there the moment we hear them announce that the ride is open since, after all, it might close again and never reopen.
Here’s my current thinking almost exactly as I said it aloud: after the time and money spent on this, if they open it, and if on the first public ride, carrying a passenger load of nuns and orphans, the cars run over a baby chipmunk and fly off the track, leaping into the air and exploding into a fireball which ignites the local trees and spreads into a wildfire that burns down everything as far east as Wilkes-Barre and as far north as the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, then, they might take an extra month at the opening of next season to reopen it.
And I’m still not perfectly sure.
The Quick-Jervis form of municipal government is designed specifically for townships in the Kittatinny mountain range of New Jersey, in the scary parts far in the northwest where the old New Jersey Bell phone books suggested they didn’t offer phone service and should maybe ask Pennsylvania for help. Under this scheme, designed for the ridges and valleys that are pretty steep by New Jersey standards, town council meetings are held in those buildings where on one side of the hallway it’s the third storey and on the other side it’s two storeys up to ground level. In accord with these needs, these municipalities will sneak over to Pennsylvania to steal cable TV and to taunt Pennsylvanians about their state liquor stores. As satellite TV is not mentioned, obviously, the measures are somewhat out of date, and Pennsylvanians don’t understand their state liquor stores anyway.