| Patron Saint Of | Killed By |
|---|---|
| Archers | Cudgels, after recovering from being shot by arrows |
| Bears | Not Bears |
| Ailments of the Throat | Beheading |
| Stenographers | Beheading |
| Firefighters | Drowning, after declaring that he would climb on the flames to heaven if the Roman soldiers did burn him at the stake as they were planning to do |
| Coffee-house Owners | Old age while kept for decades in a cell adjacent to the church to hide his deformities from the public |
| Civil Defense Volunteers | Old age, fatigue after delivering a Solemn rather than Low Mass |
| Tile Makers | Plague, possibly? |
| Also Tile Makers | Natural causes |
| Intestinal Ailments | Intestines ripped out and tied around a windlass |
| Toothache | Old age, looks like. He was 99 apparently? |
| Holy Roman Emperors | Executed on orders of the Roman Emperor |
| Another One For Tile Makers | Natural causes again |
| Not Procrastinating | Beheading |
Also, really, the patron saint of overcoming procrastination is “Expeditus”? Exactly the name you’d give if you were bluffing your way through being asked “who’s the patron saint of overcoming procrastination”? Or if you were Mel Brooks writing a scene without trying too hard at it? That’s … well, heck. I mean, you know?
Source: European History 1648 to 1789, R M Rayner.
