Meanwhile, On Usenet


Yeah, I’m one of the nearly eighteen people still hanging around Usenet. One of the best hangouts is alt.fan.cecil-adams, where people who like Cecil Adams’s The Straight Dope information feature get together and never talk about Cecil Adams’s The Straight Dope information feature. It’s a neat spot, though, since it’s a gathering of people who were know-it-alls their entire lives. And the astounding thing is everybody basically gets along with everybody else, even though the natural enemy of the know-it-all is any other know-it-all. We just know that any other know-it-all is dead wrong and doesn’t even realize it, and this produces hard feelings as other people won’t concede that they’re wrong and I’m right. But for some reason in this group that dynamic doesn’t work. Nobody knows why.

Anyway. Subject lines in the group occasionally turn up beautiful little couplets and here’s some, just as they appeared on my news reader.

The Trouble with Normal
I have had about 10 showings of my house in 2 weeks

(That’s normal enough, I think, if you’re trying to sell the place.)

Too Honest?
The very definition of looney tunes:

(Kind of a cynical attitude there.)

Soap Dispensing
IRS courtesy

(Good to know they do give you soap. This next one seems like over-reacting, to me.)

What do you do with a leftover nuclear bunker?
Harper Lee’s Latest Opus

(And this next one has a poignant missed-connections thing going for it.)

Lost iPhone
seeking windows

I know this won’t be believed, since nobody believes in amusing found-comedy bits like this anymore, and they suspect entires have been edited to make them out better, but it’s what came up as I saw it. Anyway, if I were making them up I’d have tried for more gut-punchingly funny things instead of trifling grins like these.