What My Very Dumb Reason for Being Angry at Crankshaft This Week Is


There are a lot of reasons to be annoyed at Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis’s Crankshaft right now. Let me set up the background: the Valentine was a failed sidewalk movie-palace theater in Centerville, Ohio. After it closed it got reopened as a strip joint that, somehow, failed even faster. Now, movie star Mason Jarre and his partner Cindy Summers have ventured over from Funky Winkerbean and it sure seems obliterated the ten-year gap between the events of Funky Winkerbean and of Crankshaft. (Since 2008, both strips have taken place in “the present”, but one was ten years behind the other. So characters from Funky Winkerbean are ten years younger when they’re in Crankshaft, and Crankshaft characters are ten years older when they’re in Funky Winkerbean. Until now.) Jarre gets the idea to buy the Valentine and reopen it as a movie theater which, luckily, it’s still basically okay for. And he calls the real estate agent on the sign.

Outside the Valentine theater, Jarre says, 'Here's the real estate agent now! Thanks for coming over so quickly ... I'm Mason Jarre!' Lois Flagston: 'Lois Flagston! Pardon me for being starstruck ... but you're Mason Jarre the actor, right?' Jarre: 'In person!' Flagston: 'I've never worked with a movie star before!' Jarre: 'Well, you're the first cartoon real estate agent I've worked with!'
Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis’s Crankshaft for the 11th of September, 2022. I have strong angry feelings about things that aren’t comic strips too but we’re better off sticking to these. Anyway, have you been following Funky Winkerbean this week and if you have, have you ever seen a funnier panel than Mitchell Knox’s face in the last panel of Monday’s strip? No, you have not.

So, look, fine. The Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft timelines are unified again and we’re not going to ask nosey questions about character ages and when events took place. (This after Cindy just went to her 50th reunion in Funky Winkerbean, a strip which earlier this year showed Crazy Harry in high school in 1980, a date not fifty years ago yet. Fine.) And Lois Flagston isn’t so comfortable selling a commercial property since she’s always been about selling houses. Fine. And for some reason Crankshaft is hanging around while Lois shows Jarre around a place he’s already clearly decided to buy. And Jarre is acknowledging that Lois Flagston is a fictional character, existing as she does in the comic strip Hi and Lois. Fine. I will take all that for the sake of doing a story.

But by God and Rube Goldberg, Hi and Lois is set somewhere in New England, it feels like probably Connecticut, and there is no excuse for her having a listing in Ohio, and there is no possible way she is in a short driving distance of someplace that’s a day-trip to Cedar Point. I do not accept it, and shall not accept it, good day sirs.

Author: Joseph Nebus

I was born 198 years to the day after Johnny Appleseed. The differences between us do not end there. He/him.

4 thoughts on “What My Very Dumb Reason for Being Angry at Crankshaft This Week Is”

  1. I’m thinking of what a Funky Winklebean magic 8-Ball would have as it’s predictions…..so far I have ALL SIGNS POINT TO CANCER and ASK AGAIN AFTER THE NEXT TIME JUMP. suggestions for other ones welcome.

    Like

    1. I don’t even know what to put in a Funky Winkerbean magic eight-ball anymore. It’s actually had less cancer than its reputation suggests, recently, but it has gone back to Dead Lisa and now Dead John Darling a whole hacking lot, and then Somehow Even More Comic Books. And People Being Sad but that’s the Free Space of the Funkyverse.

      Like

  2. I guess TB just read “Who Censored Roger Rabbit” and figures that comics work the same way in FW and CS…..”Lois Flagston” is just an actress who gets photographed for “Hi & Lois”– so just as she called him a movie star instead of “Les Moore”,he calls her a cartoon (actress) real estate agent, instead of by her stage name. QED.

    Like

    1. This is about as good an explanation as I know!

      Well, that or Batiuk and Davis thought — fairly — that it was funny if the real estate agent were the most famous real estate agent in the comics. And then also thought — fairly — that it’s funny to toss in a fourth-wall-breaking gags. And then didn’t realize that putting the two jokes together leaves them both messy and confusing.

      Like

Please Write Something Funnier Than I Thought To

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: