I certainly hope this clears up some things!
- North Dakota in the year 1822.
- It has none.
- The square root of two raised to the square root of two power.
- Cuckoo clocks.
- Offenbach’s The Tales of Hoffmann.
- The Hartford Whalers.
- SS Ideal-X.
- The pathetic fallacy.
- Saw the board into two halves; combine the two halves to make a whole, and then climb out through the [w]hole.
- 95 percent.
- Dormer windows.
- Walk The Moon.
- James Irwin.
- Doyenne, D-o-y-e-n-n-e. Doyenne.
- Had you considered the village barber might be a woman?
|Friday||A Pillow Full Of Bunny Kisses|
|Saturday||Take-Out From The Chinese Place With The Fake Vegetarian Chicken So Good You Kind Of Don’t Want To Check If It’s Real Chicken And They’re Just Lying|
To give some balance. You know.
- The Case Against Sugar, Gary Taubes.
- The Case Against William, Mark Gimenez.
- The Case Against the Supreme Court, Erwin Chemerinsky.
- The Case Against Satan, Ray Russell.
- The Case Against DynCorp, Ryan Zimmerman.
- The Case against Perfection: Ethics in the Age of Genetic Engineering, Michael J Sandel.
- The Case Against Tongues: Weighing up the Evidence, Gordon L Swanepoel.
- The Case Against Homework: How Homework Is Hurting Our Children and What We Can Do about It, Sara Bennett, Nancy Kalish.
- The Case Against Standardized Testing: Raising the Scores, Ruining the Schools, Alfie Kohn.
- The Case against Sugar: Your guide to quitting Sugar and Breakfast and Baby Recipes with Zero or Low Sugar Content, Stacy Kennedy.
- The Case Against Happiness, Jean-Paul Pecqueur.
- The Case Against the Modern World: A Crash Course in Traditionalist Thought, Daniel Schwindt.
- The case against railway nationalisation, Edwin A Pratt.
- The Case Against Spirit Photographs, C Vincent Patrick.
- The Case against Origen and Reincarnation, Eric Liberatos.
- The Case Against Paul Raeburn, John Creasey.
- The Case against Joining the Common Market, Paul Einzig.
- The Case Against Socrates, Earl Jay Perel.
- The Case Against Diodore and Theodore, John Behr.
- The Case Against Consequentialism Reconsidered, Nikil Mukerji.
- The Case For Impeachment, Allan J Lichtman.
- The Case For Jamie, Brittany Cavallaro.
- The Case For Loving: The Fight For Interracial Marriage, Selina Alko, Sean Qualls.
- The Case For Heaven: Near-Death Experiences As Evidence of the Afterlife, Mally Cox-Chapman.
- The Case For Israel, Alan Dershowitz.
- The Case For The UFO, M K Jessup.
- The Case For Anthroposophy, Owen Barfield.
- The Case For US Nuclear Weapons In The 21st Century, Brad Roberts.
- The Case For Socialism (Second Edition), Alan Maass, Howard Zinn.
- The Case For The Cruising Trimaran, Jim Brown.
- The Case For The King James Bible, D A Waite.
- The Case For Polytheism, Steven Dillon.
- The Case For Animal Rights, Tom Regan.
- The Case For A Basic Income, Robert Jameson.
- The Case For Mars: The Plan To Settle The Red Planet And Why We Must, Robert Zubrin, Richard Wagner.
- The Case For Bureaucracy: A Public Administration Polemic, Charles T Goodsell.
- The Case For The Corporate Death Penalty: Restoring Law And Order On Wall Street, Mary Kreiner Ramirez, Steven A Ramirez.
- The Case For Impeachment: The Legal Argument for Removing President George W Bush From Office, Dave Lindorff, Barbara Olshansky.
- The Case For Greatness: Honorable Ambition and its Critics, Robert Faulkner.
- The Case for The Enlightenment: Scotland and Naples 1680-1760, John Robertson.
- The Great Dead-Battery-In-The-Radio-Set-Clock Fiasco
- The Great Trying-To-Put-My-Ancient-iPad-Back-On-A-Data-Plan-That-Somehow-Requires-A-Lengthy-Discussion-Among-The-Sales-Staff-And-The-Manager-Apologizing-And-Offering-Me-An-Amazon-Firestick-Whatever-That-Is Fiasco
- The Great Trimming-The-Branch-That-Keeps-Dropping-In-Front-Of-The-Satellite-TV-Dish Fiasco
- The Great Breakfast-Nook-Light-Fixture-Falling-Off-Hitting-My-Love-On-The-Head Fiasco
- The Great Can’t-Buy-An-HD-Antenna-That-Adequately-Picks-Up-Local-Channels Fiasco
- The Great Tried-To-Use-iTunes-To-Listen-To-A-Thing Fiasco
- The Great Struggling-To-Take-A-Photo-At-The-Amusement-Park-Where-I-Look-Neither-Asleep-Nor-Bug-Eyed Fiasco
- The Great How-Do-We-Get-Our-Saw-Out-Of-The-Weed-Tree-Trunk-That’s-Heavier-Than-We-Thought Fiasco
- The Great Me-Trying-To-Get-A-Large-Pop-With-That-In-The-Midwest Fiasco
- Kepler telescope finds tiny Utah human origins
- Moroccan fossils provides new technique to size up skin, hair in pigs
- Einstein’s theory making ‘preliminary’ preparations for NASA astronaut corps
- In major breakthrough, firm for manned lunar mission makes breakthrough
- China’s quantum satellite regenerates Mars rover scientist, SpaceX engineer
- China shake up understanding of life-friendly planets
- 10 more possible stars in secure communications
OK, that last one doesn’t make sense but I had the word left over and it seemed like cheating not to use it.
This. This is the sort of thing that happens when you let me put on the crazy grab bag of stuff that I call music. I get to listening to the Devo album I bought because I figured I liked that one song so why not? Also, you know, stringing out words into alphabetical order like this produces a bunch of interesting other word blocks. Yes, I am thinking particularly of the one that starts “do evolving from glue go God”. But really isn’t the most startling thing about this the discovery that “Are We Not Men?” is not in fact more than fifty percent of the song? No, it is not. Next week: They Might Be Giants’ “Particle Man” unless I get a better offer or maybe consider Sparks’s “Let The Monkey Drive”. also I know what you’re thinking and that strand is ‘now okay pool our pinheads’. Not ‘poot’.
- E.T. The Extraterrestrial
- E.T. Golden Receiver
- E.T. World Pup
- E.T. Seventh Inning Fetch
- E.T. Spikes Back
- Air E.T.s
- Snow E.T.s
- Space E.T.s
- Santa E.T.s
- Spooky E.T.s
- Treasure E.T.s
- Super E.T.s
- The Search For Santa E.T.
- Santa E.T. 2: The E.T. Pups
|Sunday||Little nagging sensation that I’m coughing a bit more than normal and feel all achy and hot.|
|Monday||I hear nothing after 11:18 am because of my uninterrupted coughing fit|
|Tuesday||Temporary suspension of the tooth-brushing routine because the sudden spasms from my lungs and the toothpaste foam and the irritation in my throat lining create such a bad situation, such a bad situation.|
|Wednesday||Boss excuses me from the planned two-hour conference call with a promise that he’d call back and catch me up and wrap up some loose ends, which he has yet to do.|
|Thursday||Broke the key by trying to wind up the clock and I coughed at the wrong moment and do you know how many different size keys there are for mantle clocks? There’s easily more than six.|
|Friday||Sleep is a lie, a distant faded memory never to be attained again in my life.|
|Saturday||Oh, that’s a good bit better actually.|
Because sometimes you just run up to deadline and you have to go with what you have and those are always the bits people like best anyway and sometimes I wonder why I go into writing a second hundred words anyway and I just want a hug thank you.
Meanwhile: if you need to score a movie or TV scene and want to evoke mid-80s nostalgia without digging deep you’re going to pick “Out Of Africa”, sure. But what’s the equivalent for other decades? If you just want a wash of mid-90s nostalgia without digging deep then, sure, Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic”, or maybe Nirvana’s “Oh Whatever You Have On Hand”. But what about the 70s? The 60s? For the 50s I’d say “Mister Sandman” but that might just be Back To The Future talking. For the 40s there’s Glenn Miller’s “American Patrol”. How about the rest? Yes, start from the 1750s.
Also not depicted: realizing like thirty years after that of course the song isn’t called “Out Of Africa” and you’ve been naming it wrong all this time.
- Arctic Hare
- Common Mongoose
- Volcano Rabbit
- Banded Doomed-Madagascaran-Marshlands Mongoose
- Silver Marten Rabbit (which sounds like somebody being ironic or something)
- False Dwarf Rabbit
- Anglican Slender Mongoose (Reformed)
- Flat-headed kusimanse
- Mongoose Civique
- Bluffing Giant Hare
- Furtive Upper-Tailed Cape Gray Mongoose
- Belgian Hare IPA
- Mer-goose (properly, a fish which takes on the appearance of a mongoose in order to punch snakes)
- San Jose Brush Rabbit
- Trans-Canada Pika
- Robertson square-headed kusimanse
- Antelope Jackrabbit (which is not a jackalope we swear)
- Yellow Mongoose
The real news, by the way, is that I’ve learned how to make the captions appear outside the wedges with little arrows pointing to them, instead of having to make the text kind of appear more or less on top of a wedge and maybe spill over onto the next wedge and I can’t figure a way to set all the text to be uniformly any color except by fiddling with edge wedge separately, which is stupid. This is a lot nicer to produce even though it’s probably unreadable at the available sizes. Sorry. It did leave me wondering if there’s pie charts then why aren’t there, like, cake charts where you just have easy-to-arrange rectangles of sizes representing portions of stuff and labels that fit on top of those? Except that’s probably how infographics get made, and I don’t know how to do those, because for all that I try to keep intellectually and emotionally youthful what that really means is I play pinball and listen to more New Wave music of the 80s than I ever did in the 80s. Anyway, while I’d like something like that, what’s important is, I found a way to make my computer thing do a thing in a slightly less annoying way than it used to. Ice cream for everyone!
For those wondering: I’m not saying the Nilsson album wasn’t, just saying what the expectations were.
Also including the District of Columbia because, heck, what does that cost me?
|State Or District Of Columbia||Thickness|
|Alaska||20,310 ft / 6191 m|
|California||14,783 ft / 4506 m|
|Washington||14,417 ft / 4394 m|
|Hawaii||13,803 ft / 4207 m|
|Nevada||12,665 ft / 3860 m|
|Arizona||12,565 ft / 3830 m|
|Idaho||11,954 ft / 3644 m|
|Utah||11,354 ft / 3461 m|
|Oregon||11,249 ft / 3429 m|
|Colorado||11,123 ft / 3390 m|
|Montana||11,003 ft / 3354 m|
|Wyoming||10,709 ft / 3264 m|
|New Mexico||10,323 ft / 3147 m|
|Texas||8,751 ft / 2667 m|
|North Carolina||6,684 ft / 2037 m|
|Tennessee||6,466 ft / 1971 m|
|New Hampshire||6,288 ft / 1917 m|
|South Dakota||6,276 ft / 1913 m|
|Virginia||5,729 ft / 1746 m|
|New York||5,343 ft / 1629 m|
|Maine||5,270 ft / 1606 m|
|Georgia||4,784 ft / 1458 m|
|Oklahoma||4,686 ft / 1428 m|
|West Virginia||4,623 ft / 1409 m|
|Nebraska||4,587 ft / 1398 m|
|Vermont||4,300 ft / 1311 m|
|Kentucky||3,887 ft / 1185 m|
|South Carolina||3,560 ft / 1085 m|
|Massachusetts||3,489 ft / 1063 m|
|Kansas||3,361 ft / 1025 m|
|Maryland||3,360 ft / 1024 m|
|Pennsylvania||3,213 ft / 979 m|
|North Dakota||2,757 ft / 840 m|
|Arkansas||2,698 ft / 822 m|
|Alabama||2,413 ft / 736 m|
|Connecticut||2,379 ft / 725 m|
|New Jersey||1,803 ft / 550 m|
|Minnesota||1,700 ft / 518 m|
|Missouri||1,542 ft / 470 m|
|Michigan||1,408 ft / 429 m|
|Wisconsin||1,372 ft / 418 m|
|Iowa||1,191 ft / 363 m|
|Ohio||1,094 ft / 333 m|
|Illinois||955 ft / 291 m|
|Indiana||937 ft / 286 m|
|Rhode Island||811 ft / 247 m|
|Mississippi||807 ft / 246 m|
|Louisiana||543 ft / 165 m|
|Delaware||447 ft / 136 m|
|District of Columbia||408 ft / 124 m|
|Florida||345 ft / 105 m|
Source: Wikipedia from which I learn there’s only two states that have spots below sea level? That’s weird. Like, I understand Colorado not having any spots below sea level, but there isn’t one rocky crag somewhere in, like, North Carolina that runs below the ocean level? And like how has someone not dug a big cement-lined pit somewhere on Long Island to set it underneath the sea level just to show they can do something pointless like that? You know? Also, I guess mines and stuff don’t count for lowest elevations, which is fair enough, but wouldn’t they start counting if the mine’s ceiling collapsed? It seems like states could totally rig their thickness rankings if they wanted. Plus, like, I know for a fact that New York State claims sovereignty over the seabed of the entire Hudson River; doesn’t that count as the lowest elevation in the state? I’m saying while I give you this list I think there’s a lot of pointless argument to have about what the lowest points of elevation in states such as New York and Delaware are and yes that is because I’m from New Jersey and angry about the implications of colonial-era borders.
You know, you never really think of Kansas as having more of an elevation change than Pennsylvania does. I feel a bit weirdly defensive about it myself.
Not that any of you demanded it, or showed any particular interest, but that I like anyway.
Omitted for clarity: smiling with just my mouth and not at all my eyes; time spent glaring at the satellite dish for not somehow being more satisfying a means of receiving transmitted bit that would, if decoded properly, be an episode of Paw Patrol; tossing in false results for the fun of it; reorganizing the books on the shelf behind my chair so the first letters on each spine spell out snark.
Admittedly the results are thrown a little off by going down to the farmers market on a Thursday afternoon and leaving my cart off to the side by the health-food clones of normal breakfast cereals and then having people apologize for being in my way when I backed it up from them. Also from people apologizing for getting bags of coffee beans while I was looking over flavors of coffee beans. Also for being in the same aisle while I was looking for one particular brand of barbecue sauce that wasn’t there.
Also they do amazing things with “Golden Grahams, only kind of healthy” these days, but it’s going to be hard to win me over from Grape-Nuts brand cereals where if you mix exactly the right amount of milk in it’s like you’re chewing down on concrete. There’s nothing better. I’m not being snarky here. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t eat cereal like that if you could.
|Times I Have Been Ready To Inform Someone In Casual Conversation That The 15th Is Not The Ides Of April, The 13th Is||17||Times The Conversation Has Ever Come Remotely Near This Topic||0||Times A Comic Strip I Read Has Used This As The Base For A Joke||2||Times I Noticed In Time To Comment On This In A Timely Fashion||0|
Plus is the 15th even the Income Tax Filing Deadline in the United States anymore? It seems like it’s always bumped to like the 18th of April or the 44th of May or the 216th of Freaking October anymore. I don’t know. And yeah, the ides are the 13th day of a 30-day month, plus February, and anyway the Romans listed days as counting down to the next big calendar event day, so that the 15th of April would be “17 Kalend May”, which everyone understood to be part of April, not May, and also they sometimes slipped an extra month in between the 24th and the 25th of February. This is why the Emperor Vespasian was never able to get his programmers’ database software to handle dates correctly. Neither can we.
Drawing inspiration from Bob “Death To Flying Things” Ferguson, whose nickname is wholly unattested by any contemporary accounts. Team affiliations are not unique but represent my best guess about who they were with most of the time, and not all these careers were uninterrupted, which is important so that you know my little joke here is as intellectually honest as possible somehow.
- Candy “A-Go-Go” Cummings, Hartford, 1872-1877.
- Roger “10-4” Connor, New York, 1880-1897.
- John “Technopop” Clarkson, Boston, 1882-1894.
- Bid “Rocket Man” McPhee, Cincinnati, 1882-1899.
- Ed “Googie” Delahanty, Philadelphia, 1888-1903.
- George “Knuckles the Echidna” Uhle, Cleveland, 1919-1934.
- Kid “On Fleek” Nichols, Boston, 1890-1906.
- John “Brenke Fish ladder” Ward, New York, 1878-1892.
- Mickey “Laser Knees” Welch, New York, 1880-1892.
- Sam “Robo-Sam Crawford” Crawford, Detroit 1899-1917.
- Togie “Theremin” Pittinger, Boston, 1900-1907.
- Eppa “George `Knuckles the Echidna’ Uhle” Rixley, Cincinnati, 1912-1933.